Sick

I am sooooo fucking pissed! I have been looking forward to New Year's all month. I even went shopping and bought all new outfits and shoes just for Marty's party. Well, last night I spent the night at Tom's house and while I was sleeping I kept having dreams that I was sick and it was so realistic. Well I woke up this morning and had a 101.6 fever. I feel like crap too. Just like how I got sick during Spring Break in the Ozarks.

I've been surrounded by sick people and been doing my best to not get myself sick. I went over to Tom's house and his brother had mono, then after his brother got over mono I went over again to his house and his brother got pnemonia (sp?). Then my little brother and sister got sick and I've been trying to stay away from them as well.

I am just soooooo angry because I will get to spend a fun new years by myself probably watching the movie Cars for the fifteenth time cause Margaret and Michael are obsessed with it. Just the new years I was dreaming of. And I won't even get to wear my new outfits or kiss anyone at midnight or anything. Should be tons of fun.

I hope no one else has to have a crappy night like mine, everyone have fun, be safe, and hopefully I will be feeling good enough to see you all soon.

it has been a while

um so i kinda realized today that i have seen virtually NONE of you over break so far. every break it seems like we see fewer and fewer people, which i can of course understand.

that being said...

we just got a new porch this year, and there are lots of chairs and a fire pit. in other words, it needs to be broken in.

how 'bout a gathering at my house post-new years. maybe like the 2nd, 3rd, ect? would that work for everyone?

New Year's

in light of the fact that marty is having a party on new year's, i'm not. since a good number of people are going there, i don't feel the need to host another party when most of us already know marty. sorry if that is a disappointment to anyone but i'm excited that i don't have to have another party. that's all. later

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope everyone has a good day and gets lots of good presents. I have a weird/somewhat funny quote Michael said today while I was giving him and Marge a bath before we went to my grandmas house. Well they were in the bathtub and Michael said "Hey Margaret, it kinda looks like your penis got cut off or something." Weird I know, but I couldn't stop laughing. Do all little boys go through the penis obsession stage or is it just my poor little bro who has been raised by five women?

Anyway, here are some pictures to help spread the cheer. Or whatever.

Michael making a weird face

My adorable cousin Nick "Niko" adopted from Korea

Haha Shellpoopi will kill me if she knows I posted this pic. She looks like she is fat in this picture but in reality she's a size zero. She is making a weird face with her phone.

Tom's adorable sisters, Ari on the left and Nina on the right. They fell asleep like this when I went over to Tom's tonight (Christmas Eve) to give him his present. They are so freaking cute.

Me, Michael, and my cousin Sammy.

A picture of college church with the pretty Christmas tree in front.

Sorry for posting so many pictures. If you guys get annoyed just say so. Here is another thing I made just for the MarkerSplotchers. Merry Christmas!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=8766bb5940ab29fb6219b72G06122422

coexist? fuck that we invented handcuffs

Hello everybody! Sorry I haven't seen anyone yet this break but I'm busy adjusting my attitude towards life... does that sound like an awful excuse?

Basically I've withdrawn from Truman, and will go to a "cool" college next fall instead of waste my college experience on Kirksville. I want to paint and read, and have good conversations about painting and reading on the way, so I figure an art/english BA at a really liberal, discussion and not grade-driven school? Yeah so there's that.

Also, on my last night in Kirksville, I was going to say goodbye to all my friends and calm myself down about leaving... but no. Basically, I was arrested for marijuana possession and spent 23 hours in jail, complicatedly... I was watching the sun set on the roof of one of our school buildings, after Luis and I were playing fiddle in a cemetary. Someone saw me on the roof with the fiddle case, thought it was a gun and I was going to go on a sniper rampage, and called the campus police who were huge assholes even after they figured out I wasn't a killing maniac, but just a girl with a fiddle. So that sucked, even though jail was really incredibly interesting.

Anyways, I'll be in Saint Louis for the next couple months, taking art classes at FoPo and working, breathing, etc. I just found out where I'm living (!!) My aunt has an old house in Richmond Heights that she'll rent to my cousin and I for only $250 each. It has one bedroom upstairs and a large-ish walk-in closet, so the deal is my cousin gets the bedroom and I sleep in the "closet" but I'll get the sunroom downstairs for a studio, so I'm happy.

In summation, I'll deal with my court date and settle in the house next week, so after that you all should come hang out and check out the house. It's south of 40, the Bellvue exit if you're coming from the west... I'll work on getting better directions than that.

How is everyone? How is life, school? Boyfriends/friends? I should just come out and ask those questions in person... see y'all soon (sorry bout the yall my cousin from texas just visited)

Orangutan

So me and Tom were watching America's Funniest Video and there were two funny ones. One was this little baby boy and he tried to eat a lightning bug. But the bug was just flying around in his mouth and he had his mouth a little bit open so you could see the lightning bug lighting up in his mouth. It was really cute and funny.

The other funny video had orangutans in it. There was a mommy orangutan with her baby on her back. She was just minding her own business. Then this boy orangutan was sneaking up behind her (he was doing a good job being sneaky). He like tiptoed up behind her and pushed her over. It was hilarious. It reminded me of in first grade when little boys have crushes on little girls but they at mean to them just to cover up the fact they have a crush. It was funny.

In Saint Louis its been really warm recently. Not REALLY warm but too warm for December weather. Anyway me and Tom went on a walk one day around campus. We took tons of pcitures. Here's some of the cool pictures:

Random statue on the lake at SLU

Just a picture of the lake at SLU

A random sculpture at SLU - I think it is a fountain thats been turned off

Some ducks

Me getting eaten by a crocodile

Tom rescuing me and wrestling the crocodile

Tommy climbing a tree

A pretty sunset over the city - kinda blurry though

Me and Jamie Kennedy

This is how close I was to Rihanna - I literally did not zoom in at all. I was right in front of the stage when she came to SLU

i want this on a t-shirt...

Quick update...

Okay, does everyone remember the weirdass kid that I posted about that was interested in furries and collars and shit? Well, he IMed me today and he told me that he has now acquired a leash and he now wears his collar out in public. And he had to go, but he wants to tell me more later. Just thought you might be interested. If the next conversation is as good as teh first one, you know I'll post it.

why on earth...

....do i have to live with every single freakin person in the world that believes that hugs don't solve everything?

OF COURSE THEY DO! WTF?

how the hell can anyone believe that hugs don't solve everything? they make everything a million times better. and i swear to god for anyone doubting me...

...i'll give you a hug and you'll believe...

so when is everyone coming home?

Best Form of Procrastination =

piercing your ears at 2 o'clock in the morning

Bitches, please!!!

You guys are assholes. I will disown you if you lay a hand on him. Stu, no drunken fights. Carolyn, do not hug him too hard. Amanda, don't be such a megabitch. Please for the love of all that's holy (beer and brownie mix) do not freak this one out- I really like him! He's extremely skittish and he's already panicking about meeting all of you. PLEASE BE NICE!!! It's bad enough that I accidentally scared him cuz I told him that my dad was tall, and he just got over the fact that Stu is one of my best friends, yet also happens to be one of my ex-boyfriends. You know it takes a lot for me (and Carolyn) to be tied down to a boy, so don't scare this one! Hopefully we can have a chill night at my house and we can A) smoke hookah on the front porch or B) have a bonfire and smoke hookah on the back porch. I am not sure. Anyway...I don't know what else to say. NO TESTING HIM!!!

I like infomercials...

I really do. Anyway, the boy is coming home with me for a few days. He wants to meet Susan and Dave- and since he's meeting that part of my family, he has to meet you guys too. Wow that was super cheesy. Anywho, I'm watching ice skating right now. I have nothing clever to say, or any good stories. Sorry this is going to be a shitty post. But I will hopefully talk to you guys soon, and don't feel bad if I don't call you- it's cuz I lost my phone. I have the same number, and I finally got a replacement phone, but I lost all of my numbers. So yeah. I need numbers. That's all I've got.

i don't know what to say about these

Said by a good friend of mine who is openly gay:

"Anna, if I wish I were straight so I could be attracted to you."
-Jaysen

And last night, we played our star trek drinking game while watching First Contact, and this came up from my not-openly anything friend:

"Anna Verner (pronounced German), when I'm in my straight moods, I think about dating you."
-Brock
"You have straight moods??"
-Anna

NAKED

i'm practically nude! see my facebook profile if you want more pictures...

it didn't work...but wouldn't it be funny if it did...

so i thought by living in student apartments it would be like the dorms except I'd have a kitchen and my own room. I'd still meet all kinds of college students and it would be one big party. I thought there'd always be someone to play with. Well that hasn't proved to be exactly true. Everynow and then I find someone who likes to hang out but really everyone kinda keeps to themselves.

But I've found that the best thing is the world is the bus. We have a bus that takes people from my comple to and from campus. There are three stops around the complex and it runs every 20 minutes. And its all either Ram's Village residents of international house residents. Like a school bus for big kids. And I've found that everyone loves talking on the bus. Its the best. I meet so many people. I must meet several people a day on the bus.

Well yesterday I overheard these 4 guys talking about the band emery which is a good one fo sho. Then their conversation drifts on to the subject of hookahs. And well lets face it. We all know my "obsession"/"addiction" whatever to the hookah so i interject myself into their conversation. It ends with me finding out where they live and inviting them over to smoke whenever they want.

So these 3 boys come over to smoke hookah last night. It was really cute. Listened to xmas music. Ate candy canes. Smoked hookah. All in front of a crackling fire. So cute. Then the conversation led us to getting my roommate's "shoe" ( I say "shoe" cause I don't know if you can call a "Croc" a shoe. It's more of a "shoe".) And threw it in a pot of boiling water in the attempts to boil it the point of edibility. We cut off little pieces every hour or so and gnawed on them for a bit. However to no avail. So my request is for you guys to find a recipe for Croc. Straight up boiled water didn't work. It didn't even work when you added ketchup or salt or garlic. Still too rubbery. So ask around and let me know if you guys hear anything interesting...

well, not so bitter

just thought i should tell everyone that i'm sorry i was so bitter. it's just that things haven't been so great, and a bunch came out at once. keegan, i'm really happy you have someone to cuddle with, and i'm just jealous of your situation cause i wish my cuddle partner was closer. but it's my choice, and i shouldn't be so bitter about it. anywho, sorry folks for being so selfish sounding and crazy, cause a lot of people feel the same, yadda yadda...anywho, time for dinner and more homework. thanks guys, for reading this and such. hope ya'll are having nice days.

since everyone is posting....

I wish I had snow. you people stink. it was 70 degrees here on tuesday, then it was 60s wed and thurs, and then i woke up friday morning to 40 degree weather which dropped to 32 by noon. unfortunately we just got those little hail flurry things that like to hit you in the face when you are trying to walk to the caf. so poo on all you guys with your snow days.
I can't wait for break either, I miss everybody a lot. Two of my roomies are getting on my nerves - the one is getting pretty bitchy, and the other is all over her boyfried all the time and they are way to cute to stand.
oh and lastly, I don't know if everyone knows this or not, but Nick and I broke up in october.... I was going to post something when it happened, but I kept forgetting and didn't feel like it. So yeah, just thought you guys should know that before we get home for break - avoid awkward conversations and all that.
okie dokes, love ya guys, and see you in 19 days. :-D

wish i felt the same

this is bitter--watch out. i wish i was having as great a college experience as the rest of you. two of my best friends from last year left, and i hardly ever talk to them anymore. when the guy best friend is in town, we hardly have anything to say anymore and he feels like a stranger. the best friend that stayed, even though i'm rooming with her, we don't hang out. i don't think i can even call her a best friend anymore because i don't have that impulse to tell her things anymore, bad things or good things, and she doesn't tell me much either, anymore. oh yea, and this guy that i thought i was becoming better friends with, i've been trying to hang out with him this week cause i haven't gotten to see him in a while and he hasn't been calling when he said he would. and he and i will make plans, and then i'll call him (because he hasn't called me) to see if we're still hanging out, but nope, he's actually got fraternity obligations that he didn't realize but did he bother to call? no. i'm becoming better friends with this guy on my floor but it's not the same--sometimes i try to tell him stuff, and it just doesn't feel the same.
i no longer have those great late night heart-to-hearts that you talked about, keegan, because i have no one to have them with. i don't get to cuddle with my boyfriend because he's over a thousand miles away and oh yea, he's going away during our breaks during the time we're supposed to spend together.
i can't afford to miss my classes and "enjoy life with friends" because 1) i don't have many to enjoy life with and 2) i don't know what else to do so i'm going to be a nurse and i'm currently about to fail two of my science classes so i can't afford to just piss around and skip school and value "life experiences" more than grades--but what the fuck else am i supposed to do? i can't be one of those people who just majors in something that makes them happy and see where it takes them. i just can't do it. i really wish i could--if i could, i'd just be doing theatre and photography. but i want a trade, a job--i want to make money when i'm out of college! it makes me happy! it makes me feel secure! what's wrong with that?!!?
my days consist of school, homework, food, cleaning, maybe talking to a couple of people around campus when i run into them, and planning the next boring day. and since i have a job to pay for groceries and my cell phone and plane tickets to visit my boyfriend, i have to miss out on a bunch of cool social stuff because i'm always working. and i have a massive credit card debt, so i'm not saving any money right now.
i'm just so fucking pissed that i can't make any friends. what the hell is that about? what fucking prick ruling the universe gets to do this to someone? it's not fair. i joined fucking KSLU in hopes of improving my social situation--nope, everyone there seems to find me annoying or something. and they're all fucking bonding with the freshmen and whatnot, and i try to talk to people and i get the cold shoulder. WHAT the HELL. so i'm glad all of you seem to be doing fine, but i hate HATE being at school right now. whatever, this is depressing me, i'm going to clean (go fucking figure, it's all i fucking do) and go to bed.

Winter Wonderland

It iced and snowed a lot here in Saint Louis. It was pretty cool. Here's a picture of the city in snow from my balcony.

Yesterday (Thursday) and last night (Thursday night) were pretty crazy. They cancelled classes after three but my teacher in Public Speaking made us come anyway (my class was at 3:45). I had to give a speech and for speeches we are supposed to dress up nicely. So the only kind of "nice" shoes I have are heels. Well walking in ice in heels is harder than I thought. So I fell and got wet and had to change right before my speech and was late. I got my speech and outline wet so while I was giving my speech I had to skip half a paragraph that I couldn't read. It was also really upsetting cause my speech was about teenage driving and I thought I would be ok talking about EJ but when I was in front of the class it was so hard to do and I nearly burst out crying in the middle of my speech.

That night, me and Tom walked all over campus in the freezing cold to find a place on campus with food that was open but everything closed early cause of the storm. So we went back to my apartment, grabbed the last pack of pop tarts and left to go back to Tom's apartment cause my roomie is a biatch. So we were walking out the doors of Marchetti (where I live) when this huge fucking tree thats about 6 or 7 stories high just falls over right where we were going to walk. Had we left even thirty seconds earlier than we did we could have been crushed. Here's some pictures of the tree and all the damage done on the road leading to my apartment. The road was closed off all day.

We tried running back to his apartment cause I was scared more trees would fall. It was weird, all at once huge branches started breaking off trees and trees were getting knocked over. As we were running back to his apartment the wind was blowing and trees and branches were crackling and falling everywhere. It was scary but really pretty still and kinda fun. Here's a few more pictures of some of the damage done around campus.

Well that was my night last night. I didn't have any classes today due to the snow so it was nice that I was able to sleep in. But as soon as I woke up today started out bad. I walked around most of the afternoon taking pictures. I wanted to hang out and go sledding and play in the snow but I didn't have anyone to do that with.

Well I met up with Tom and was excited to show him some pictures but he didn't really care. We went to the Ceramics studio for him to work on throwing a bowl. He told me I could do one myself and it was my very first time and the whole time he kept putting me down telling me I was doing a bad job. When in reality since it was my first time I did much better than he did. So I got a little bit of clay on him as a joke expecting him to get a little on me in return instead he got it all over my face in my mouth in my hair put some down my pants all over my clothes. I was so pissed. All I wanted to do is see if I could make a bowl and I just got clay all over myself. And Tom kept talking to me like I was stupid. I hate when people treat me like I'm stupid.

My day only got worse. I was hoping to have a nice night like Keegan but thats not how it turned out. I just spent the night again taking pictures around campus and sitting alone by myself watching South Park. I wanted to go play in the snow and then cuddle up in a warm apartment with hot chocolate and close friends. It really just makes me miss you guys so much. I miss having friends I can just act like my complete self around and spend all day sledding and having snow ball fights and not having to worry about people thinking I'm immature. Anyway, I just really miss everyone a lot and I miss having friends like you guys. I'm not sure if my standards are too high, or whatever, but I have met tons of people but the more time I spend with them the more I realize I don't really like them that much. There is no one I could see myself becoming really close friends with. And all the people I thought were my friends on campus are usually busy with their own group of friends, which is understandable but it sucks for me.

I ended up taking hundreds of pictures. It's nearly impossible to capture the beauty of real life into a picture without a really expensive camera. I tried my best but I couldn't find a way to show the sun sparkling through the ice covered trees or the beauty of the rose bushes with roses covered in ice and sparkling. But here are a few more. Sorry for posting so many pictures but I spent such a long time taking them all and I know I'm no professional photographer or anything, I've never even taken a photography class. But I think photography is fun and it's nice to have friends to share your pictures with, you know?

SNOW DAY!!!!

Yep, Mizzou cancelled classes for the first time in 12 years. We have over a foot of snow on the ground, and it all accumulated in about 24-36 hours. On Tuesday, I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Now I'm rocking out in my ski jacket and skipping through huge snow drifts. Anyone see the movie "Snow Day"? It's one of my favorites. Dumb as shit, but again, I like dumb movies. One of the quotes is "anything can happen on a snow day." And it's true. It has it's own magic, where time is suspended. I don't care if you're 9 and it's your first snow day, or 55 and you get work called off because your car is snowed in. Last night I had one of the best nights I've ever had at Mizzou. Of course it involved a small amount of alcohol, but none of us were drunk. We sat in a restaurant/bar watching the snowstorm out the window. And the beer just made us warmer and gave us rosy cheeks. There were no drunken falls, no slurring of words and speech. Just a couple adults savoring a beautiful night with a few drinks. On the way home we tackled each other, sledded and then collapsed into the building, eyes sparkling and smiles plastered across our faces. We all knew it was one of the best nights we've had at college. And it doesn't matter that it wasn't a huge party where someone got ass, or someone danced on a table, or almost got arrested. It was the simple act of enjoying each other's company, and then playing in the snow. Today was beautiful, but for some reason the magic of that night was diminished. Maybe everything's different at night. I woke up this morning at 9. Then I went to my computer to see if classes were cancelled, found out they were, and crawled back in bed to cuddle with someone I really care about. And it's okay that I slept all day after he left to go to work. It's okay I didn't play in the snow. Because last night was amazing. The playing in the snow, the chatting with friends, and the important conversations that touch your heart in the middle of the night. I'm having more and more of those conversations and it's making me grow as a person. Who knew that being bundled under covers in the dark would be the best location to talk about whatever's on your mind? I know that last sentence sucked, but I don't feel like changing it. Anyway, I'm extremely happy. Last night was....it was just what I needed. Thanks friends...I'll see you soon....

Thank you for being a friend

I had to write a couple short papers in philosophy about friendship. In my first one, I claimed that there were no possible objectivities about friends because each friend we have is so different. How could we possibly set criteria for who can be our friends? I thought a lot harder about the second one, though, and came up with this. It's definitely not the best thing I've ever written, but I wanted to share it with my friends.

P.S. I tried hard to add a picture of us to this post, but Blogger just wasn't having it.

A friend is someone who wants to listen to you. Thinking about friendship again, true friendship, there are certain objectivities. I know a lot of people. I’ve always been very involved in school, extra-curricular activities, church. Basically, you name it, I’ve been there. The people I’ve encountered in firefighting are extremely different than the people I’ve encountered in theater. Most of these people, I enjoy being around. I don’t mind their company, and often times I even like it. I would, in fact, deem them my friends. I think true friendship, though, is something deeper.

A true friend is someone you want to go to when you feel like the world is on your shoulders and you’re about to collapse from the pressure. But even more than that, a true friend is someone who wants you to come to them, even if they know they can’t answer your questions or alleviate your pain. A true friend is willing to accept that sometimes all they can do is listen. They don’t feel the need to offer advice because they know sometimes we need to work things out on our own.

As we discussed with Plato and Socrates, we can’t just be handed all the answers on a silver platter, especially if the person we’re trying to get the answers from doesn’t have any idea what they are either. Maybe I haven’t answered “the existential question”: the meaning of life. But my true friends will assure me that there’s nothing wrong with that; they love me all the same.

If I think I’ve found an answer and begin to change, for better or worse, they are with me. If I change for the better, they encourage me. If I change for the worse, they aren’t afraid to point it out because we trust each other’s judgments (while keeping in mind that they aren’t necessarily always right). True friends aren’t perfect; that’s not the point. But true friends admit it when they realize they are wrong and mean it when they are sorry.

To address my own question about true friendship and liking someone in earnest, both people have to be committed to the friendship for it to be true. If Susie likes me, but I don’t care for Susie, we’re not true friends. I might accept if she “friended me on Facebook” because Facebook is basically shallow and fickle, but I would not go to her with a problem, or with exciting news, and I would not share in her laughter and tears either. A true friend wants to be with you through it all, rain or shine. Maybe that’s cheesy. But I think some of the truths in life are cheesy and cliché. Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” An unknown person said something like, “A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting right next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun!’” And certainly there are hundreds of other friendship quotes. These two illustrate the two ends of the spectrum when it comes to true friendship, however. A true friend will be there, and most importantly, wants to be there, when you need them, whether you need a good laugh or a good cry.

It’s not complicated and it’s not profound. It’s a simple truth. As Christi Mary Warner said, “A [true] friend is one who knows all about you and likes you anyway.” The true friend just brings out the best in you whenever they can.

TU

my university shut down for today and tomorrow b/c of 6 inches of snow!!!!

gotta love oklahoma... it never snows so they freak out

but hey, i'll take two snow days (esp. since i had tests and projects that got cancelled b/c of this)

:)

yea i'm not wearing pants right now...and i don't plan on putting any on...

I am many moods right now. And I can’t concentrate on my Spanish reading. So if you are bored as well. Or can’t think straight, like me, then read this. And laugh at how much I think everything out. And laugh at how much I care about random stupid crap. Crap that is not a big deal. And should be treated as such. I miss everyone and love you all! Happy venting!
Mood #1: Apathy
I understand that this a typical mood towards the end of the semester but really, I do not care. I don’t care about attending lectures. Or doing labs which don’t really teach me anything. Or filling out scantrons which supposedly measure my intelligence on a particular subject. Or write essays in a language where I am far from fluent. The weather isn’t helping either. It is the perfect weather to stay inside and drink hot chocolate in front of a nice warm fire in fuzzy pajamas with really fun people watching a movie. Although apparently one should not watch Rocky Horror Picture Show with one’s roommates without warning them because they had never heard of it before. Is that seriously just a theatre junkie thing?
Mood #2: Anti-judging
Don’t judge me. Please. It’s driving me crazy. So my roommates and I had some people over last night. Drank a little. Smoked some hookah. Listened to some music. Peed in the snow apparently. Then ate the snow. (Don’t ask.) All in all a wonderful time. And I understand that there is an unspoken consent that there is going to be some mess involved with all of that. So when I decide that it is too cold to go to class and instead spend 4 hours cleaning the apartment, your apartment, that doesn’t mean that I “didn’t do anything all day”. I was more productive than you were so shut your mouth. And just cause I skipped class does not mean I’m going to fail out of college and work in the fast food industry. Just because I don’t have my class schedule figured out for next semester yet does not mean that I’m going to drop out of college and work in the fast food industry. Just because I don’t have a shitty minimum wage job in this state does not mean I’m going to go broke, drop out of college and work in the fast food industry. Just because I have decided that I’m going to spend every possible moment of my winter vacation in St. Louis working does not mean that I’m going to drop out of college and work in the god damn fast food industry. I don’t think that some people get that I’m happier with what I’m doing then they have every been. I suppose it didn’t occur to them that I enjoy what I do. I enjoy my job. I’m going to college, risking life long debt, in order to keep doing what I love and excel in that field. As long as I learn the necessary material and get the necessary grades in order to get the necessary diploma to do what I want for the rest of my life who the hell cares if I don’t go to my recitation today? Who the hell cares that I didn’t do that lab? And who the hell cares that I freetranslation.com-ed my entire Spanish paper? Really? Really? Really. Does that really matter? And although my methods aren’t the most conventional way of doing things, but is that any skin off your teeth? Why won’t you just leave me alone and not judge me or my way of doing things? Did you ever stop to think that maybe I’m the one that has their head screwed on straight? And that maybe, just maybe, you are more lost than I am? That maybe what you are doing here, in college, the going to class and the getting the grades isn’t helping anything? That it won’t get you anywhere? That you are going to look back on it and be like wow. That was a complete waste of my time. I wish I had actually made some friends and had hung out with my boyfriend and had fun at my job and not skipped that party. You might be sad that I’m missing out on class and all the wonderful things I could be learning. However I’m sad that you are missing out on life. Those little things that are going on all around you. And you are too busy to notice the happy little things like a crackling fire and snowflakes and a yummy dinner and a perfect smoke o because you are too busy cleaning the ashes out of the fireplace and being cold and doing the dishes and bitching about cancer. You are working 60 hours a week at a grocery store cause “a job is a job” and you “need money”. You are concerned about learning everything in class and knowing everything on the final. Yet your life is miserable and you bitch about it all the time. So you turn to other things like alcohol and manic-studying and surfing face book of all things to get away from all that crap that you “have” to deal with. That’s bullshit. For the last time, all that crap is optional. You want to do it.
Mood #3: Anti-cramming
Didn’t anyone ever tell you that too much of a good thing is still bad? Learning is good. Studying is good. You go to class. You do the homework. You read the chapters in the goddamn text. Now its time for finals and you psych yourself out. You stay up all night drinking coffee. You rewrite your notes a good 7 times to work them into your brain. You already know the material. You just don’t know that you do. You don’t sleep or eat. You laugh at me cause I’m staying up late as well but it’s to play board games with my friends. I’m having a good time and you are jealous but you mask those feelings with the feeling of pride of accomplishment. But then you freak cause there is so much you don’t know. So you keep studying. You show up to the test tired and hungry. You can’t concentrate cause the caffeine is making you shake. And then you wonder why you do so poorly. And then you wonder what I’m thinking. Well friend, I’m thinking about how happy my friend looked when they kicked my ass in Monopoly last night. Thanks so much for losing at Life.
Mood #4: Reflective
So you have the extremely good memories. And you have the extremely bad memories. And you have the kind of good memories like walking into that movie theatre holding hands with someone. Or that text message to tell you that you are missed. But does anyone ever have those memories that are kind of bad? Like a fight with a boyfriend that didn’t really amount to much. It wasn’t about anything in particular. You just remember the make up sex afterward. So forget all the shitty stuff. It doesn’t matter. It won’t matter. Digging up those memories only brings you down anyway. And that’s no fun.
Mood #5: Dirty
Haven’t showered in awhile. Enough said.
Mood #6: Lonely
Not really. It’s more like I just want someone to play with. I need a playmate more than anything. I’m not talking like a boyfriend or anything. Not necessarily. Although that might do the trick. I’m talking about someone who would want to stay up after dinner and watch movies with me. I’m talking about someone who likes to do things in moderation. Someone to hang out with. Someone to talk to. Someone who will go eat something with me even if they just ate but because they know that there is nothing more depressing than eating alone. Someone who is driven crazy by my roommates half as much as I am. Someone who realizes that I spent all day cleaning my apartment and comments that it looks good but also realizes that I only did it because it makes my roommates happy. And when they are happy then they are more fun to live with. Well. Bearable to live with. They can be fun every now and then. Usually when they are either drunk, high, or smitten. But whatever. Maybe I'll just get a gerbil. They are cute.
Mood #7: Naked
I just don’t want to wear clothes. But its freezing outside. And its impossible to heat this damn apartment. So it’s constantly cold. And turning on the heat is expensive. And wearing clothes is not. But this is all just a metaphor for how I feel about life right now. Oh yea. I’m so deep.