It's lightened up after a couple washes....

so this is my new permanent hair color, fo' shizzle. I liked myself as a blonde, but I think the reason I like this better is because I don't have horrendous roots any more!

Hayride

This weekend I went on a Hayride event with Tom's fraternity. It actually was a lot of fun - more fun than I was expecting. However, before we got there I was scared because I had bad hayride experiences. First there was the girl who died on the girl scout hayride, her name was Rachel. I knew a lot of Rachel's friends from camp (although I had never met her) and saw how they were all impacted by her death (like Jessie Imo, Danielle something or other, Kelly Wahl, Colleen Brennan, Nikki McMahon - all those girls). Also, I had a really bad experience in the third grade with hayrides.

My friend Stacy had invited me to go to this party in the country with her family. At first my parents were hesitant but after enough begging they decided to let me go. It was a huge party and they had hayrides. My friend Stacy and I jumped on one of the last hayrides of the night with a group of teenagers. They must have been like our age (19ish). Anyway they brought a radio and they were blasting the music so loud. Me and Stacy felt out of place so we decided to make the hayride more fun. We would jump off the tractor and hang onto branches and then drop down and run to catch back up with the tractor. We had each done it a couple times. It was Stacys turn and she was running to catch back up with the tractor when her shoelace got caught in the wheel. Her body when completly around with the wheel and she was run over. You would think the driver would have noticed running the trailor over a person but he didn't. I am pretty sure he was drunk and the music was so loud. I was the only one who saw it. This would be a good time to mention I was like...8 year olds. I had no idea what to do. I screamed to the driver but no one could hear over the music and my voice was quiet and squeaky because I was so scared. I jumped off the tractor to see if she was even alive. I couldn't tell if she was alive and I had no idea what to do. I tried running to catch up with the tractor but by this point the tractor had driven really far away and it was pitch black. I decided it was best to just stay with Stacy. She woke up and was screaming in pain but she didn't seem to hear me.

So there I was, 8 years old, stuck in the pitch black in the middle of woods, with my friend who I thought was dying but I couldn't help because I didn't know what to do, I had no idea how to get back through the woods to the house, I heard coyotes close around us, and it would be at least thirty minutes before the next hayride came. I just waited with Stacy for what seemed to be forever. Eventually someone noticed we were missing and they came looking for us. When there was enough light I could see how badly Stacy was hurt. She couldn't walk or sit up. This man carried her back to the house. Her dad (turns out he is an alcoholic) did not want to take her to the hospital because he was too drunk. It was the most terrifying experience of my life and I hate to think about it because it was so awful.

On the hayride someone really close to me (not naming any names) was asked by another person to jump off the tractor and hang onto trees and then run and climb back on. I had told that same person earlier on the bus ride the story of what happened to me and told him that I was really scared about the hayride. However that person chose to ignore my experience and jump of the tractor anyway. Ever since the hayride I have not been able to stop thinking about Stacy and what happened. Last night I had a weird dream about it and it scared me.

I guess I just thought if I wrote (or typed...whatever) about the whole thing that maybe it would help get all these awful images out of my head.

Really fucking long. Just warning you. But it's worth it. I'll give you a hint: It involves my weekend with Jones and his friend at Mizzou.

The weekend of Homecoming at Mizzou is always nuts. It doesn't help that we're doing really well with football this year- we were 6-1 at the time (we lost the game this weekend.) Anyway, Jones and his friend Dane down to visit. Here is the recounting of my weekend with them.

FRIDAY: Jones and Dane got kinda lost, and didn’t get here til 9 or so. They brought a ton of alcohol, it was nuts. Mike Keeline also came up and bothered me for a bit, but I had my friend Michelle call me (from Scotland) and pretend she was having a breakdown so he would leave me alone. Stu said I was too nice to the kid- maybe I’ll just have to tell him to leave next time. Anyway, Dane, Jones and I met up with Catherine, Camila and Catherine’s sister, Caroline who was in from out of town. We went downtown to go the Heidelburg, but that was jam-packed and I’m pretty sure they would’ve been carding. So we went to Sparky’s where you can get milkshakes with liquor in them. Then we went home to South(my dorm) and drank with the girls in my room. That was okay, but just kinda boring. Then we went over to Laws (the dorm where I work and where the majority of my friends live, including the boy) to meet Brian and the boys, who definitely did not like Dane and Jones. This is partly becuase Brian was uncomfortable with the whole situation, and told his friends that, so his friends weren't as friendly as they could've been. And since they weren't all sunshine and unicorns right off the bat, Jones took an instant dislike to them and was a complete dick to them the rest of the night. Brian and I disappeared for over an hour (no we were not fooling around, we were just talking), but I didn’t realize we were gone that long- Jones was pissed. Dane’s a big guy and was tearing the shit out of everything outside of Laws. He picked up a bike and threw it at the rest of the bikes at the rack. It was a total King Kong move, over the head throw and everything. Then we went back to my room and passed out. Jones and I fought about who would take the futon vs. the floor and he ended up winning, so he slept on the floor.

SATURDAY: Then we woke up and we were supposed to go tailgate with Brian and his parents, but Jones took too long in the shower and I was afraid he’d get pissed if I left him to his own devices for too long. So we end up walking over to the stadium 10 minutes before the game started, and it was cold and rainy. Not good, especially since Jones and I had straightened our hair. Then the boys find out they can’t bring drinks into the stadium, nor can they buy liquor in the stadium. That pissed them off, and finally Jones just asked if we could go back to my room and drink. Please note we were only at the game for 15 or 20 minutes. Sucked ass. Then just back to my room, drank copious amounts of liquor. Did I mention that I bought 3 tickets at $22 a piece? Yes. Yes I did. Anyway, during the imbibing of liquor, I decide I’m hungry. What else is new? Chinese buffet it is. Yeah doggy. Eat there, come home and we all pass out because hell, Chinese food and liquor? That results in a coma. ( PS I paid for four people at the Chinese place, my friend Kelli came with us. That’s about $40 there).

We all kinda nap and I get up and decide I’m going to go over to Take-Out, which is a place that you can cash in your meal plans at the end of the week and get food with your points; ie. goldfish packets, pop-tarts, juice, Gatorade and the like. I notice Brian is working and his parents are there so I stop and say hi. Nice people, thank god I was sober. Anyway, I get a text message from Dane asking where I am and that they are bored and ready to go out. Right. So I’m looking for something to do, and we’re drinking and finally I find a party but Jones decides he doesn’t feel like driving anywhere. Please note that this entire weekend he was bitching about how Mizzou sucks, there are no parties, people were nicer at Kentucky, blah blah blah. Fuck you sir. Anyway, so I call Brian and convince him to come over.

Oh, please let it be known that Brian wasn’t too happy with the fact that two 23 year old guys were coming down to visit his 19 year old girlfriend, plying her with liquor and sleeping in her room. I digress. So he comes over, apologizes to me for being a dick and overprotective (which he wasn’t being. Jones was the one that was acting like a douche and complaining about how my boyfriend is immature and shit.) Anyway, he’s too weirded out by the situation and says he has to leave. I don’t blame him, Jones was treating him like shit. I ordered pizza for the boys and me, another $30 there. It was inhaled. Oh I forgot, we ran to the liquor store earlier where I paid for a handle of rum, $15 there. So we eat get into more drunken hijinks of breaking shit all over my dorm and then finally pass out. Dane slept in my bed, and Jones was on my futon while my friend Jenn and I were on the floor.

SUNDAY: So. I hear a loud banging on my door and I’m like, shit Jones must’ve forgotten my ID when he went outside for a morning smoke or something. I kinda go back to sleep and try to ignore it. BANG BANG BANG. I figure maybe I should open the door. I go to the door, my eyes all squinty and I see there are 5 people out there. Two of them are girls. Three of them are men. In blue. OH SHIT. There are COPS at my door.

“Are you Keegan Kelley?” Oh fuck.
“Yes sir, I am.”
“Can we come in?”
“Of course, officer. Please come in.”

Turns out there were complaints about Dane and Jones tearing up the campus. They go to my room, where there’s a handle of rum sitting on my desk, ¼ of it gone. There are 25 empty beer cans in my recycling bin and two or three Natty Lite boxes. There was only one beer left in the fridge. The cop makes Dane and Jones sit out in the hallway, and asks me to follow him into my room. Thank god he was nice.

“Wow, you guys certainly drank a lot this weekend.”
“Yes sir, we did.”
“Um, please tell me you’re over 21.”
“I’m sorry, sir, no I’m not.”
“You’re killing me here!”

He was so cool. We were joking and everything. Then I go back out to listen to Dane and Jones get interrogated. Okay. So. Nice cop asks me back in my room.
“Ma’am, there’s nothing illegal in here is there?”
“No sir, not at all.”
“Are you sure? Cuz it smells like dope in here.”

OH SHIT. Are you serious? Are you fucking serious?

“No sir, I swear, there is no pot in here at all. You can do a complete search and you won’t find anything, I swear.”

Then I remembered: Jones got pissed about having to go outside to smoke cuz it was really cold. I shut my door, put blankets at the base of the door and opened my window and we smoked cigarettes out my window. The smoke alarm didn’t go off at all, it was just kinda hazy. Anyway, remembering that I frantically start blabbering to the cop,

“ Sir, we were smoking cigarettes with the window open. It was really cold, and I told Jones that he could smoke out the window if he needed to. I have the beer can we used to put the ashes, if you want to test it. I swear we did not smoke any pot. We drink, we don’t smoke pot at all. Please, do you want the can? You can test the ashes!”

Finally h e told me to calm down, that he believed me. But he did pat down Jones and basically got to 2^nd base with him. At least some of us got action this weekend. But I digress. They cuff Dane, and tell Jones that they’re leaving. Don’t tell him where they’re taking Dane, and Jones was smart enough not to ask again. They didn’t read Dane his Miranda rights, nor did they formally tell him they were taking him to the station. Go Jones. I always knew you were smart. I was expecting the cops to ask me for my ID and charge me with possession of alcohol by a minor, consumption of alcohol by a minor, and having empty containers of alcohol (duh, in the possession of a minor, in case you guys couldn’t figure that out.) Not in trouble at all. The guy just wrote my name down in his cute little notebook and then left. Holy hell. Cops leave me to the mercy of my RA and the hall coordinator, Hilary. Hilary is notorious for following the rules like her life was on the line so I figured I was fucked. I didn’t really know my RA, but she’s kind of a bitch. Nuts. Surprisingly, Hilary was really nice and the only sad thing was that I had to pour out the liquor and empty the leftover beer. My friends were making fun of me,

“ Keegan, does your heart hurt pouring out that beer? Doesn’t it suck that you’re wasting all that liquor? That’s such a bummer!”

So poured out all the liquor, and then had to count the empty beer cans for my RA so she could file it in her report. And since I have no respect for anything, I was holding the plastic handle of rum at my crotch and was pretending to piss in the toilet. I seriously think I have problems. I wasn't freaking out at all, not during or after.

Then took them outside to the trash compactor. That was it. That was seriously it. Now all I have to deal with is my meeting with Hilary to see what my punishment is going to be. Thank god I’m manipulative. Oooh, I also found out Hilary’s from Wisconsin. And yes, I’m totally going to play the northern card. Your ass is mine, bitch! Anywho, that was my weekend.

Total estimated costs: $151, not counting shit I don’t remember paying for. I also will most likely have to take an alcohol responsibility class, which I think costs $70, bringing the total to $221.

Total estimated alcohol consumed (by Jones, Dane and myself): at least 80 beers, three fifths of Captain, and a fourth of a handle of rum.

Lord have mercy.

new!

check it out!
i'm a brunette!!!!
red hair was so overrated... and 20 years with the same hair color is TOO long

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

Anna Rachel Werner. It is your birthday. WOOOOOT. I tried to Facebook you, as any true friend would do, but you have LEFT. Goddamn liberal!! I tried to call you, but it said "The person you are trying to reach does not have a voicemail box that has been set up". So MS is my last resort. Happy mo' fuckin' birthday. You are gorgeous and crazy and I LOVE YOU!!!

Ohhh, the life of an actor!

I was basically a glamour queen today. I'm in this play, Cat's Paw, and I play a newscaster. The audience is seated on stage, so the director wants me to look fabulous, flawless, from close up. SO. I got my hair cut and colored (the picture is apparently a little creepy, and the color with not be quite so deep after a couple washes) and then bought products so I can style my hair the way they want it (like in the picture). Then we went to Macy's and got my makeup done by Clinique to see how we'd like it for the show. We bought all the makeup that got used. PLUS, five different products for keeping my face healthy: makeup remover, facewash, stuff to remove dead skin, moisturizing lotion, and acne spot treatment. For a grand total (haircut and makeup,etc) of $330. All paid for by the St. Michael's theater department. Basically, I rock. I've only used the facewash and shit once, and my face already feels amazingly soft. Everyone should come visit me and touch it. We also bought hot black pumps and purse. But I don't get to keep those.

Kicked Out

Yep, guess who got kicked out of her house? Me. Why you ask? Because I don't go to church, because I get into fights with my mom, and because I haven't been able to find a job (even though my dad has all these restrictions like I can only work two nights a week etc). Anyway I spent the end of my fall break at Tom's house and I'm not exactly sure what I will end up doing for Christmas. Weird thing is my parents are still paying for most of my school and my room etc, they just won't let me in the house.

I already miss Michael, Mergaret, and Shapoopi (Shelly).

and now for something completely stupid...

so... i'm walking back to my building around midnight last night when i decide to hurry up b/c it's really freakin cold out well i trip and fall into the porch around (concrete, raised up about 3 ft) and i catch all of my weight on the side of my arm like right where my wrist and hang meet. i end up breaking my hand.

so basically, i tripped, fell and broke my hand....

even my softball concusion story from sophomore year is better than that (and all I had to do was huddle up with the team before I was beamed in the head)

CARDINALS!!

World fucking series bitches. Tigers better put their cups on straight.

WATCH THIS

its pretty funny/scary

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWD77SOZ81Q

Road Trip

Ok so last time I tried to set a trip up it did not work so well because apparently you have to be like 21 to rent a hotel room. I honestly did not know that. Plus a lot of people did not have jobs/enough money for a big trip like the one I had hoped to plan.

So I figured we could maybe do something else. You guys know the crazy annoying little towns that have like the biggest ketchup bottle or the best apple pie in the state? I think we should take a road trip and see what the Midwest is really like. It could be cheap since gas prices are down. Maybe we could go on like a three to five day trip. I was thinking if we got enough people we could take a couple cars and Amanda (or was it Keegan...might have been Merge) suggested after so long we pull names out of a hat so that everyone gets to spend time in each car with everyone else. So it's not just the same group of people in the car the whole time it would be fun to change it up.

Anyway, I think this could be a fairly affordable and amazingly fun and crazy trip. I think we should go at the beginning of summer so that for those of us who have summer jobs we have that short break between the end of school and the beginning of work (at least thats how my job is). We could bring cameras like Missy did for the Ozarks and record the trip and make another DVD or something. And I wasn't sure if this should be all girls or guys and girls.

Anyway I just thought it would be a fun way for everyone to have some time together cause everyone is really busy. If anyone thinks this would be fun or has any other ideas or suggestions or anything just leave a comment or something.

If there is a Hell, I just got a little preview.

I just did an obstacle course to recertify me to go into burning building for the fire department, and it was 13 minutes and 48 seconds of absolute Hell. We had to put on all our gear (which probably weighs 20 pounds), wear the SCBA (like SCUBA, but without the "underwater", another 30 pounds), and do all this shit. We start out by carrying 50 feet of hose up three flights of steps. At the top, we bring a 40ish pound bag to the top on a rope. Then back down the steep, narrow steps with the hose. We then advance a charged line (one that already has water in it, pretty fucking heavy), and knock down a cone fire with no backup. First time I tried, the force of the water knocked me over backwards, but luckily I didn't lose control of the hose like this other guy did. Then we have to crawl on our hands and knees through a dark trailer. The next part, the worst part, is called the Keiser. It's a block on the ground between your legs that you have to move 4 feet using a 5 pound sledge hammer. I'd say it took me about 60-80 whacks to move it all the way. By then, of course, all the muscles in my hands and arms are burning, and then I had to raise and lower an extension ladder. I assume some of you have done this. Those things are pretty fucking heavy to deal with alone. After that, we drag "Rescue Randy" a 150 pound dummy, about 10-15 yards. When I finished, I literally could not swallow because my throat was so dry. While I was doing the ladder, I was full-out screaming at it and starting to cry. I was going to make some macaroni, cause I'm pretty hungry, but I don't think I could grip the spoon. I told Mike he can knock me up now, cause compared to that, labor will be noooo problem.

HeHe Part II

just an update on my fabulous day:

6. the cards won
7. went to taco bell to satisfy my craving for a cheesy gordita crunch

HeHe

So, summary of my day and what i would like the rest of my life to be like:

1. got up at 10 after sleeping for 10 hours.
2. went to sociology class in which we talked about immigration and had to write on post-it notes about when our ancestors came to america. had to then put said post-it notes on board (with our names on it) on timeline that was there. i decided that today was a good day to be part Japanese, 1/16th to be precise. now, once she reads it, my Asian teacher will think that my great great grandmother came to America from Japan with her brothers and aunt in the 3rd quarter of the 19th century
3. i fell asleep with the oven on while watching mulan
4. i went to calc and preceded to call the phone in the classroom from my cell phone and watch the teacher pretend to ignore it while the rest of the class got annoyed with it. did this a total of 3x during the hour and 15 min class.
5. got my friend to go the the market on campus with me so i could buy some drinks, then convinced her to buy them for me

and the best part of all of this? it's only 9 o'clock, i have no hw, and i'm pretty sure i just heard my friend walk into his room above me so i'll get to go bother him. woo!

I Fucking Rock!!

So, had a physics test last week and found out on wednesday that the grades ranged from a 20%-90% and that the average was a 50%. so i was really worried that i did bad. he said that he was curving everyones grade by 10% and that we could check our grade online sometime this weekend. i've checked it about 15-20 this weekend and he just now this evening put them up. you wanna guess who got the highest grade? huh? do ya? well i'll tell you. ME!!!!!!! so with that 10% curve, i got 100% i'm so happy! so for the moral of this story please see title

now for my chem test today...

For the love of god...

Please. Go to this site. And read all of the stories. They are true. It is amazing.

www.tuckermax.com

GIDDY GIDDY GIDDY GIDDY....I LIKE BOY.....I LIKE BOY A LOT

See above. Sorry just had to gush for a minute, sometimes I forget....I don't even know what I forget, all I know is that I can't stop smiling and thinking and then smiling more and soon my face is gonna break....

Friday the 13th, almost

I'm sick, I think, and it's making me crazy. Or, crazier than normal. Right now I'm writing a paper about Cicero and it makes me feel really grown up and intellectual to be discussing Cicero, but it's hard to write a paper when you're crazy. You write things like:

Certainly, Strato’s trustworthiness as a witness is dubious, specifically because of his culpability in the theft of Sassia’s home.

I like nice, long words. Fantastic. I hope I don't have mono, but many people do here. You know what else? It's freakishly cold. And I mean FREAKISH. I don't know if the heat in my room is working yet. I hope so.

And yet, tomorrow I have two classes and then it is fall break. And Saturday I will come back to STL, where hopefully the concrete keeps it somewhat warmer. So I just have to survive one day. Lead a discussion about Buddhism at 8am, finish my play review to turn in by noon, finish Cicero paper by 1:15 to discuss in class, and then, like magic. Do you realize that the LAST Lemony Snicket book comes out tomorrow?? I am really excited. Probably because I just love complex questions of good and evil, and more and more, that's what those books are. What could happen in The End? If I were in a town with more than one bookstore (which is Christian), I guess I would find out.

Well, I've talked on for a very long time. Here's hoping I sane up soon.

Pathetic

That is how I feel right now...pathetic. I feel pathetic cause I miss my old friends like crazy but they can are getting on with their lives so much easier. I feel pathetic because its been two months and I haven't made a single friend. I feel pathetic because every time I try to make new friends I just get really bad responses. I feel pathetic because the one friend I do have keeps cancelling all our plans for fraternity things.

I know everyone says that I have to give it time before I meet friends. And everyone who says that has a group of really close friends and doesn't know how hard it is to meet new people if it's not freshman year. But even if it does take time to meet new friends, what am I supposed to do with myself until I do? Right now I just spend my time feeling lonely and upset. It's like I need a friend to support me right now because I'm really stressed and lonely but the ironic thing is I don't have that friend right now.

Sorry this is so depressing and pathetic sounding but thats how I feel and I'm so fucking sick of pretending like I feel ok when really I feel the shittiest I have ever felt in my entire life. I just don't know what to do anymore

smart car!

i saw a smart car on watson yesterday! heheheheh!

Check out these shoes.

They're on eBay.

Imogen Heap!!

GUYS. If you are awesome, then you will come to this concert with me. It's Wednesday, December 13. Doors open at 7pm. It's $20, and I need somebody to go with me. I'm pretty sure Mike will still be in Tulsa, and I don't wanna go alone. She's the lead singer of Frou Frou (you know, from the Garden State soundtrack). If you don't already love her, learn to, and proclaim your love for her to me, so that we can go to the concert together. AMEN.

i got the october itch...

has anyone ever just wanted to have a guy randomly knock on your door and say "hey, carolyn, your hair looks amazing...want to go take a walk and talk about insanely stupid quirky nothings in this gorgeous fall weather while staring at the beautiful orangy golden trees and then sleep contently forever and ever together...making out occasionally....?" if that were to happen then i would be fucking fantastic...and i think the fact that i'm really craving that right now pisses me off and the worst thing is i don't care if he is a total asshole later on in life, just by spending that one evening with me i would be perfectly content with life and that would make every future event involving him completely worth it...

Polyphonic

Remember those dudes Mr. Bell told us about, who could sing two notes at once? I think they were Asian priests or something. Anyway, my friend Kasey can do it. So check it out. She's the bomb shizzle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wSSuaqTBxk