Warning: This Might Be Too Cheesy For Some Readers...Viewer Discretion Advised

So I was thinking today about how at different points in my life I've felt varying degrees of love (eros - you know the romantic love). Anyway, I remember my first boyfriend. And I remember the first person I told I loved them. I really thought I loved my first boyfriend. But, now that I look back I realize that the feelings I had couldn't actually be true love. Just a stupid 8th grade relationship. Throughout the years I have had more boyfriends. And with each boyfriend I have felt like I loved them. But now I know that I didn't love any of them either. So how am I supposed to know if I am ever in love? What if next year I look back on my relationship now and laugh at myself for thinking I was actually in love.

We are talking about love in my philosophy class. We have studied and critiqued many different definitions of love and my feelings for Tom have not always fit those definitions. I don't know what that means, but I definately feel like I'm in love. I always feel confused when I leave Philosophy class. Thats how I feel now. And I haven't slept in forever and I drank a little tonight, so I'm sure that is contributing to my confusedness.

Cheesiest Part:
I just wanna say, I don't care how cheesy this sounds, but right now my days are always better when I think of Tom, and I always want to impress him and make him like me more, and I enjoy being with him more than anything else. If that's not love, what is?

funny :-D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94qs5dkC4Sk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkH5SdfO0NE&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWj_258pki0

funny. watch em. made me laugh pretty hard. and by pretty hard i mean my roommate thought i was going crazy because i was giggling hysterically, alone in my room in front of the computer.

peanut

miss angela fink, i don't know if you still read this or not, but i wanted to say that you are fabulous and i miss you a heck of a lot. i can't wait to see you over break and give you hugs and kisses.

P.S.

So, I know I just posted like twenty minutes ago. But I just wanted to add that I watched the Beauty and the Geek show on MTV and it was hilarious and I LOVED it. Everyone should watch it. For anyone who did watch, I would totally hook up with Joe. He is sooo fucking adorable! And Richard cracks me up. That's all

Well...

Since no one has posted for a while I figured I would just post and ask everyone how their break went. I hope everyone had a good thanksgiving, good trip back to school, and is having fun. It's getting to be that time of year when all the papers, presentations, speeches, tests, and exams are. You know how teachers can throw everything in right at the end. And I hate how teachers think you are only taking their class.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a good, safe break. Now that Thanksgiving is over, I'm finally feeling in a Christmasy mood. Au revoir mes amis.

Time To Eat Turkey Bitches

happy thanksgiving to all my bitches and ho's. eat turkey, get fat, be happy. to all of those hanging out with their families they want to shoot, remember: if you kill 'em now, you won't get a christmas present!

LOVE YA!!!!

tomorrow

ok, i will be at the gazebo at 12 noon tomorrow. i would love to see people there. please give me a ring if you want to meet up.

hopefully i will see many of your lovely faces.

dai

Squirrels, Snickers, and Printers

So recently I have been really really stressed. My grandpa was not doing well, I hadn't seen my family in forever and wasn't sure if I would be invited home for break, its the most stressful time of the schoolyear because I have all kinds of papers and speeches and presentations, and because I've had a hard time meeting people.

I had a presentation this morning. I have literally gotten around 7 or 8 hours of sleep in the past three nights. I feel sick from lack of sleep and that rarely happens to me. Anyway I was up all night finishing a presentation. We are supposed to bring copies of our outlines for everyone in the class. I was up til 6 working on it. Well this morning I overslept a little (my presentatio was at nine and I woke up at like 8:35). I rushed to go print the outlines and my notes and I was using Tom's printer. It kept fucking up. So I was late for my presentation and I didn't have the outlines. Now I have to write a paper tonight and write a speech over my break.

A few days ago I was walking back to my apartment and I was crying. I've gotten to the point where I do not care who sees me I just walk across campus crying cause I can't take any more stress. But then I saw this fat squirrel. I couldn't tell what Tubby the squirrel was doing til I got closer. I saw him holding something. He didn't run away from me so I got really close and was able to see he was holding a partially unwrapped Snickers bar in his hands and eating it. My first question was "Who would throw out a perfectly good Snickers bar?" Then I started to think it was funny because the squirrel was eating a Snickers bar. It was a fat squirrel to so it was even funnier.

I started laughing. Everyone around me probably thought I was PMSing really badly or something (I probably was but whatever). I wish I had a camera. Anyway it made my day a whole lot better. But now I'm back to being really stressed.

ok then, does anyone want to plan a lunch then? i would love to meet up and have lunch in old webster.

Marker Splotches

anybody going to mass an nerinx? anybody? anybody...?

so what does everyone think?

So...do whatcha guys think? didn't exactly turn out how i wanted...but i'm taking idea for pin striping and other paint techniques for the rest of it so it won't look so obnoxious...hehehehe...

people shouldn't trust me with spray paint...

The most disturbing conversation EVER

Okay, so I was talking to this kid. Here's the conversation. I nearly ralphed on my keyboard, but I don't think my warranty covers that. And the parents wouldn't be too happy about it either...

Crjones443: hey
BamBam11541: hey
Crjones443: did you hear me call?
BamBam11541: no i had it on vibrate
BamBam11541: oh now i see it
BamBam11541: what's up
BamBam11541: hey can we talk here i'm kind of studying too
BamBam11541: what's going on?

Please let it be known I ignored his call. I really didn't want to talk to him. I'm a good liar.

Crjones443: yeah thats fine just wanted to know what you been up to
Crjones443: havent talked in a while might have a new job
BamBam11541: oh really?
BamBam11541: good for you
BamBam11541: you told me you were interviewing and stuff
Crjones443: yeah as a certified medical assistant i was going to go to school for it but now i may not
BamBam11541: cool
Crjones443: and me and reed are doing great found out we had some of the same kinks
BamBam11541: WHAT
BamBam11541: kinks? what the fuck
Crjones443: what do you mean wtf we like some of the same stuff

Yeah, okay, I get it. Like quirks. Now the weird shit starts in...

Crjones443: and he likes the fact that im a sub
Crjones443: .....oh and i have a collar
BamBam11541: what's a collar
Crjones443: around the neck a collar
BamBam11541: i don't get it
BamBam11541: why does that matter

So I'm thinking he's talking that he got promoted at work and gets some weird thing to wear around his neck. I don't know, I had no fucking idea what the hell was going on.

Crjones443: i dont something i wanted its kinda of the ultimate sign of being submissive to someone
Crjones443: meaning you really like them
BamBam11541: like a necklace
Crjones443: kinda yep although its an actual collar like you put on a dogs nneck
Crjones443: blue with a silver buckle
Crjones443: anyway its fun ::blush:

A FUCKING COLLAR?!?! A FUCKING DOG COLLAR?!?!

BamBam11541: wow
Crjones443: yeah anyway srry to alert you with tmi but its fun and i have to vent to someone
BamBam11541: no that's fine
BamBam11541: "tmi"?
Crjones443: to much info
BamBam11541: oh
BamBam11541: well what else is new?
Crjones443: thats about it

There was a long pause. I was thoroughly disgusted, but intrigued at the same time...

BamBam11541: so how long have you been wearing the collar?
Crjones443: since monday
Crjones443: i only wear it at his house

Pause...

BamBam11541: so...do you just wear with sex stuff? or what?

I'm sorry, I had to ask! I was curious! Don't judge me!

Crjones443: no just wear it around the house you know
BamBam11541: oh okay
BamBam11541: like jewelry
BamBam11541: hmm
Crjones443: yeah and well it serves a purpose when he tugs on it its a dogs collar its blue with the silver buckle on the silver buckle its got three littlke paws on it
Crjones443: so its got the ring so hell tug on the ring to pull me in close
BamBam11541: oh
Crjones443: yep so its kinda fun
Crjones443: theres a few other things that are fun but not mainstream

Oh sweet jesus, do I even want to know? Do I really?

BamBam11541: like what?
BamBam11541: i've never heard of teh collar thing
Crjones443: okay well he likes "furry" art and roleplays thats kinda where the collar comes in along with a light bdsm thing\
BamBam11541: what's furry art?
Crjones443: things involving human-like animals
Crjones443: kinda of off the beaten path thing
BamBam11541: oh
BamBam11541: like dressing up in animal costumes? or like barking and growling?
Crjones443: well some of the more radical members dress up in costumes but we arent into it that much just the noises and artwork out there look it up on wikipedia
BamBam11541: oh
Crjones443: its interesting hey my roomate wants to use the laptop to play a game can we finish this over the phoe?
Crjones443: phone?
BamBam11541: can we have a raincheck later? i really have a lot to do before the week is over
BamBam11541: and it's so much easier for me just to tlak on the computer, cu zi can get a lot done
BamBam11541: is that cool?

Obviously I can't talk to him on the phone. I'm dry heaving as it is. Not conducive to a good phone conversation. Again, I'm a fabulous liar....

Crjones443: sure i can stay for few more minutes
BamBam11541: okay
BamBam11541: that's cool
BamBam11541: so any other not mainstream stuff? that's kinda interesting

I'm sorry, I was really curious! It was like a trainwreck!!!

Crjones443: really?? well thats about we enjoy looking at pictures we have a light dom\sub relationship me the sub with you know a little holding down and such
BamBam11541: yeah
BamBam11541: i think the collar thing is what really surprised me, i'd never heard of that
Crjones443: oh really i got because i see it in a lot of the yaoi drawings i see basically its a sub thing kinda of a pet you know?
BamBam11541: i have no idea what yaoi drawings are
BamBam11541: it's like you're speaking lab technician to me
Crjones443: yaoi kinda of anime drawings involving m\m realtionships really cute and hot
Crjones443: drawn m\m porn but very tastefully and skillfully done
Crjones443: lots of symbolism and stuff in some of them
Crjones443: heres a clean yaoi pic
Crjones443: http://www.ko-chan.org/y/src/1157082710874.jpg
BamBam11541: oh
BamBam11541: well of course i wouldn't know what that stuff is, chris!
Crjones443: see how good the art is
Crjones443: hehehe true im srry
Crjones443: f\f counterpart would be yuri
Crjones443: its japenese terms
BamBam11541: oh
BamBam11541: okay

Oh my god....Is this really happening? Is this SERIOUSLY HAPPENING?!

Crjones443: yeah interesting stuff
Crjones443: hey i gotta go they are waiting for my roomie to start their group so i will ttyl you going to be available tom.?
BamBam11541: maybe i'm not sure
BamBam11541: jsut check and see if i'm ont he computer
Crjones443: okay ill ttyl the cya
BamBam11541: see ya
Crjones443 signed off at 10:25:30 PM.

Holy lord in heaven. I don't know why I kept the conversation going. But now I know about collars. And yaoi or whatever it's called. And now I'm going to take a shower, go over to the boy's house and watch a movie. Hopefully I won't be too disturbed that I can't fool around later.

I Know Some of You Don't Beleive in God, but...

Please keep my grandpa in your prayers. And my grandma. My grandpa ("pawpy") had a heartattack last night. The doctor's said he is doing OK but he is having surgery today.

Him and my grandma were definately the cutest couple I've ever seen. You know how there are cranky mean old people who hate life and then there are the cute old people who like to bake delicious food all the time and spoil their grandkids? Thats my grandma. And my grandpa is really funny intersting guy who has all this really cool stuff from World War II. His twin brothers actually made history flying the first two person plane ever flown in a war. Their plane is hanging up in some museum somewhere.

Anyway, he always has something interesting to say or a funny joke. They have been in love since they were like 14. He sent here postcards every week while he was away at war and she still has every single one. They are the cutest old couple ever and I've always hoped that when I was old I would still be as in love and happy as they are. And they are also in good shape - They exercise everyday. Well I am pretty sure he will do ok but I would just appreciate if everyone could keep him in their prayers.

Meh

I'm homesick, I'm not sure about my friend situation at school, I might lose my desk attendant job because Dane and Jones are assmonkeys, and my boyfriend is the only one keeping me sane. Sorry this isn't as happy as my normal ones are, but I just really wanna go home and see you guys and know that I don't have to worry about a damn thing. Argh...

yay!!!

ok, so i've had a new boy for about a week now :)
his name is jack and he's from cali... wooo
anyway, apparently when he and his friends were bored last year they decided to make a silent film. well it's kinda interesting, you guys should check it out.
it's filmed in the john mabee dorm for a bit (that's where most of the stl guys are living right now)
jack is the guy with the hat on playing andrew jackson (he doesn't come in for a few mins)
enjoy!

Tomfoolery!!!

Le Ragga des Pengouins

Anyone who likes French, penguins, or the chicken dance must watch this video. It is, in a word, precious and very silly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzFoP4JXA8I&mode=related&search=

Marker Splotches

hey folks, just wanted to let our kirksville friends know that i will be in their lovely town today (friday) through early sunday. i hope to see everyone!

Spongebob Squarepants

For all those who are interested, there is a sweet Spongebob Marathon on all day today. wOOt.

Almost Famous

Doing two weekends, 8 nights, of a show is kind of crazy and stressful, but the plus side is we got reviewed by a statewide weekly newspaper! The reviewer came the first night, and I know we've done better shows since then, but such is life. She said, "Miryam Andrews-Ohlman depicted Jessica’s physical demeanor artfully: how her character layers the serious journalist persona over perky, telegenic polish.....Impressively, she did wrest some real tears when events pierce through Jessica’s professional veneer." If you care enough to see the picture that took up a fourth of a page and read the rest (honestly, even I just skimmed most of it), here's the link. The only poo thing about the picture is it was taken before I got my hair cut, so it's still longer and super blonde. Ohhhhaaah.

http://www.sevendaysvt.com/features/2006/telegenic-terror.html

so i've been a little bored lately...i don't think you can tell from the number of posts i've made lately

so my friend shea came over for dinner tonight...and he was telling me about this friend of his...cody...and apparently he was born without a chin...and i was like omg and told him the story about the waitress from steak n shake without a chin...ya know? and he just thought that was the greatest thing ever...especiallly when i told the part about wanting to ask her how she played the violin with no chin....and the shea told me that his friend cody got chin surgery when he was in middle school because he wanted to play the violin so badly and now plays in a band and for weddings and stuff...no joke...and i cracked up harder than you would believe....just thought there was a chance you would get a kick out of that...so i think we should all go to steak n shake over thanksgiving and xmas break...

so i took a ride...

so i knew that comin to school out here i would have some rough times...but i was suffering from a major case of cabin fever from having to go to class for the past forever and from being cooped up cause i've been sick for the past two weeks (and still am...)

...so i decided to take advantage of the fact that i'm living in one of the most gorgeous places in the world...i ditched all of my classes and went riding...and it was pretty much awesome...i met a old fat guy named max that worked at a souvenior shop up in the mountains who cracked me up...it made me feel a million times better...as did this video:

... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk

!!!PLUTO GOT A NEW APENDAGE!!!!

so check this out...

THIS IS BEFORE....
















AND THIS IS AFTER....
















Yea, so I spent 3 hours workin on this damn door with my uncle in Denver and we finally got it all taken care of...the door alignment is delicious...the color is a gaudy silver...the power windows and power locks and the stereo speaker and every other little electronic wired thing in that silly door...and we changed the interior panel so it all matches the inside...its just that silly green door...i think i'm going to spray paint in green...and dip the whole side of my car in goo gone to get all the duct tape gunk off of it...so YAY! thats my project for the next couple of days...that and take it to a car wash...it hasn't been washed since....last winter maybe? january? real gross...

such a tease...i'm in love

so there's this band i really really like called The Hush Sound, and when i was making a concert list for our radio station's weekly mini-newspaper, saw that they had a show at the creepy crawl tonight (sat. night) but also one in vintage vinyl in the afternoon. since i was working, and needed the hours and figured i couldn't get off, i decided just to go to vintage vinyl. so i go with my friend mary kate, and we listen to these two groups that go before them. This Providence was first, and they were alright, a little whiny for my taste. Murdered By Death was next, and he was amazing. i don't know if it's just this one guy and perhaps the rest were missing, but he was fantastic. a very johnny cash-feel to him, and he was so skinny minny and handsome and suddenly this deep bass voice just erupts and he sang these incredibly melancholy and heavy songs and now i MUST get his music--you all should, too.
anyways, then The Hush Sound comes out. the first two groups only played two songs, and it turned out so did the hush sound! the stuff at vintage vinyl was just a teaser for the real show that night--i was so upset because they're really good live. actually, let me rephrase that. they sound awesome live, but they're very new and don't have a lot of stage presence yet. the girl was really nervous looking, too. i was so sad because i really wanted to go to that show, and i just looked up their tour dates and we were one of their first stops and who knows when they'll be back. however, they'll be in chicago on the 17th of december (that was their starting point) so i might gather some peeps and see them that night (if anyone would be interested in a 24-hour car trip, let me know and we'll plan it).
anyways, so This Providence and The Hush Sound were doing autographs and stuff at the end. so i get an autograph and a picture with This Providence to be polite (and hey, if they take off, i'll have these cool keepsakes, right?) and then i got to meet The Hush Sound! you could so tell that they're really new at this--i started talking, and none of them said much, and i told them they did a great job and could i have an autograph and picture, yadda yadda....but they were so quiet, and i kept babbling (i don't even remember what i said, i'm that ridiculous, i completely lost my head--i remember this one really cute member of the band looking at me with confusion, and, possibly, pity?) and they asked if i was going to the concert and i was so sad to have to tell them no, and that i was working! what a lame reason. and i mentioned how i was writing an article about them for our radio show's music newsletter (hoping they would offer an interview sometime) and how i was at vintage vinyl when i first heard their cd. i'm such an idiot! i never know when to shut my mouth.
basically, it was really fun and i'm competely kicking myself for not trying harder to go to the concert. part of the reason i'm so depressed is because i'm on my period and i'm in a bad mood, but i'm just so jealous of them and mad i didn't get to see the concert. i'm jealous because here they are, doing something cool, and they have a ton of talent, and they're doing what they love. all i could think about was my fucking chem test on wednesday and thought, why am i trying to be a nurse? this is ridiculous--science makes me cranky and it's not fulfilling. why am i too scared to just do theatre, and why do i have no confidence when i try to act? i have confidence when it comes to theatre, and that's part of what's holding me back. i'm so confused about what i want to do with my life, and this afternoon totally made it worse.
however, i also went to ragarama and got an awesome sweater vest, and this cool shirt. and then i went to smoothie king, and two members of The Hush Sound walked out right before i went in. they drink smoothies!
anyways, i just worked six and a half hours and i worked six and a half hours last night too, and i'm about to work six hours tomorrow beginning at 11 a.m, so i'm gonna go. i'm sorry this is so long, and if you're reading this sentence, thank you for reading this whole thing. bye bye.

hair hair everywhere!

well i figured since everyone is showing off their new dos...



the color is actually a dark rich red, with a big ole chunk of blonde, and black highlights with a bit of purple. the colors don't come together in the picture too well though.

SLU 72

Ok there is this thing called SLU 72 where you can sign up and get to borrow all this equipment and you get 72 hours to make a film. The films are judged and the winners get an iPod or something like that.

Anyway, me and Tom want to do it and first of all I was wondering if any of the other SLU people would like to do it with us (you can have up to four in a group).

The other thing I wanted to know is if anyone has any good ideas about what we should make our movie about. Any good ideas?

The last thing I wanted to know is if anyone has any good ideas about what I should name my fish. I have had him since mid-August. I know I asked this earlier but I only got like two suggestions and neither were really what I was looking for. I have been trying really hard to think of a good name but I can't.

blegh...who is ready for thanksgiving? i'll be home on the 17th at midnight...

i hate being sick at college...your roommates don't give two shits about you and don't want to come near you even they either were the ones who gave you the cold or are the ones that will get it next....but theres no one to take care of you...i threw up last night and had to walk my sick ass down to the kitchen (trying hard not to step on any one of the guys passed out on our floor) to get myself a bottle of water...thats so depressing...speaking as someone who always got babyed by mom and daddy when they were sick, growing up sucks...its so lonely...someone come take care of me!!!