Warning: This Might Be Too Cheesy For Some Readers...Viewer Discretion Advised
So I was thinking today about how at different points in my life I've felt varying degrees of love (eros - you know the romantic love). Anyway, I remember my first boyfriend. And I remember the first person I told I loved them. I really thought I loved my first boyfriend. But, now that I look back I realize that the feelings I had couldn't actually be true love. Just a stupid 8th grade relationship. Throughout the years I have had more boyfriends. And with each boyfriend I have felt like I loved them. But now I know that I didn't love any of them either. So how am I supposed to know if I am ever in love? What if next year I look back on my relationship now and laugh at myself for thinking I was actually in love.
We are talking about love in my philosophy class. We have studied and critiqued many different definitions of love and my feelings for Tom have not always fit those definitions. I don't know what that means, but I definately feel like I'm in love. I always feel confused when I leave Philosophy class. Thats how I feel now. And I haven't slept in forever and I drank a little tonight, so I'm sure that is contributing to my confusedness.
Cheesiest Part:
I just wanna say, I don't care how cheesy this sounds, but right now my days are always better when I think of Tom, and I always want to impress him and make him like me more, and I enjoy being with him more than anything else. If that's not love, what is?
posted by Reine @ 2:32 AM
6 Comments:
Love is confusing. I loved Luke, but had to stifle it because it would hurt too much to keep loving him. And maybe if I knew then the things I know about him now, I wouldn't have trusted him and been able to love him like that.
But even so... I miss being in love.
what happened?
eh? is anonymous asking moi?
well...
god i don't know. he started liking one of our friends instead, i guess that's essentially what happened. before we broke up she had told him that she fell in love with him the first night i brought him to meet her.
but i like myself better now that we've broken up. our differences always made me angry for some reason, like i was afraid he would rub off on me.
earlier tonight one of our friends asked him, "do you know where you are right now?" and he said, yes. absolutely.
that makes me so mad! what's left for him to search for if he always thinks he knows what and where he is? why bother to listen?
see, things like that. i shouldn't have to agree with someone's philosophies to like them.
but isn't that the beauty of it? not knowing everything about a person but loving what you know? i honestly don't understand people sometimes (not talking about you specifically). its come to my attention that more people then necessary live their lives on what happened or what could happen. like i might love him more/less if i knew that...if he did that...if she was like that...that doesn't make any sense...i'm all for self improvement and yea if you are in a relationship that isn't working then by all means get out...and if you are in one you like then by all means stay with it and make it work as long as you can...but i've encountered so many people that don't understand that you only have what you know and you experience to base your image of love off of. i've been in love and it was amazing. and what i think of love now is completely different. its way more mature and way more in depth. but that doesn't take away from any of the love that i experienced then. and yea i miss it. i miss a lot of things. but i guess i'm more thankful for all the fun things we did which causes me not to dwell on the crap that went along with it. maybe thats too optimistic. maybe thats too unrealistic. maybe i'm crazy.
i feel like love is just one big compromise, and when it stops working then you fix it. and if it's unfixable, then that's that. that's what it feels like for me (along with all the goodness, and happy trust-y feelings, and kisses and stuff) but for me, on it's most basic level it's like you're working toward this compromise or balance so you can continue being happy and making out and giving each other googely eyes.
but i just might feel different tomorrow...my moods have been so wonky.
i feel like love is just one big compromise, and when it stops working then you fix it. and if it's unfixable, then that's that. that's what it feels like for me (along with all the goodness, and happy trust-y feelings, and kisses and stuff) but for me, on it's most basic level it's like you're working toward this compromise or balance so you can continue being happy and making out and giving each other googely eyes.
but i just might feel different tomorrow...my moods have been so wonky.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home