I got this letter in the email the other day. I do not like my roomie one bit. I left it exactly as she sent it with my comments in red and bold. I also posted my response letter. Enjoy.
Laura,
Even though there are only a scant six weeks left in this semester, I think there are some issues that we as roommates need to talk about. With these things, though, it has been my experience that it is easier to avoid arguments that tend to spin out of control if they are done through letters or emails.
I'm sure you've noticed that even though we've lived together for about seven months, we don't talk much. I think that this general silence has prevented both of us from voicing complaints that we've had during our time together. I feel that I need to break that silence now.
To begin, I need to talk to you about the state of our apartment. I know that it is easy to get so caught up in school that general maintenance gets pushed to the side. When I'm in the middle of an exam-ridden week, the last thing I want to do is wash dishes or clean my room. However, our apartment has gotten dirty to the point that it could be deemed unsanitary to live in. There is food in our refrigerator and on the counter that expired months ago. There are dishes from last semester which still have not been cleaned. There are soda bottles and a pizza box just laying on the floor of our living room. Taking care of our apartment should be our shared responsibility, but I think it's fair to say that each of us should take care of the individual messes that we create. Thus, I respectfully ask that you consider my concerns and, as soon as you have time, begin to pick up your trash and your belongings in areas that are common to both of us.
My second issue is with Tom. I have no problem with him personally, but I am not comfortable with the amount of time that he spends in our room. It seems to me that about half of the time I see you in our room, Tom is also present. A great deal of my time needs to be spent studying and doing homework - that is the nature of my major. This requires a good deal of peace and quiet in the room. When Tom is present, the television is usually on, and you both often engage in loud, very distracting debates. I appreciate that you are very good friends and possibly dating. I understand that this means you spend a lot of time together. I simply request that you be considerate of me when you spend your time together in our room. Please do not bring him in when I am sleeping. Please don't invite him in if I am in the shower or in the process of changing. I know that you want to be close, but please understand that it makes me extremely uncomfortable when you wrestle/give each other massages in bed, and when you make out when I am sitting five feet away.
Finally, my last issue is with the television. We already had a discussion before midterms, but I would like to ask that that rule apply for the remainder of the semester. Specifically, I am referring to our agreement that in the evening if either of us needs to study, the television remains off. I know that you said that it relaxes you and I am sorry to take that away, but I cannot study when it is on and it is my perception that our purpose at SLU is to learn as much as possible and to do our best in our academic pursuits.
Thank you for taking the time to read this email. I appreciate your consideration of my feelings and I hope that you will feel comfortable enough to respond with a similar email voicing whatever issues I'm sure you have with me. Good luck with your first week back at school.
WOW. SO I RESPONDED:
In my opinion, emailing is not a beneficial way to address roommate issues. I feel that this medium is one sided and slightly evasive for the communication that's needed. However, since you emailed me first, I will respond to address some issues I have.
Over break I went through and I thought I cleaned out all my food that was expired. A couple times my mom went shopping for me without me knowing what she bought for me. I know that you keep a lot of food in the refrigerator and freezer and I did not want to throw out anything you might still eat. If you notice food that is not yours and is going bad please just let me know or throw it out.
I have cleaned my dishes, the ones left are yours. I don't have money at the moment to buy more food so I've been using my flex and eating on campus. I have only used one or two dishes for the past couple months and I washed them after I used them. I understand that cooking and food preparation is a passion of yours. I am glad you are able to get so much use out of my microwave and dishes. I respect your hobbies and I have hobbies of my own. I like to color a lot but I always clean up my mess when I am finished coloring and I never expect you to clean up my colored pencils. I would expect the same of you. I simply ask that you clean up your dishes after cooking and not expect me to have to clean them.
I like to reuse all my bottles so I don't have to buy more. When I am finished with them I recycle them. Not only is it good for the environment, but it also saves me money. I keep all my bottles on my desk so it shouldn't be a problem. If you ever need to use or want to remove anything from my desk I ask that you speak with me about it first.
I have a few questions regarding your complaint about the amount of time Tom spends in the room. I have calculated the amount of time I spent in the apartment each week. As you may know, I spend most of my time at Tom's apartment or at my house in an effort to keep our apartment a quiet academic environment for you. But the few hours a week I spend in the apartment should not affect the time I wish to spend with Tom. He is my best friend, and is welcome to the apartment. I know that you enjoy having your friends over to watch TV or to spend time working on homework, and I think it is wonderful. I would appreciate the same respect when my friends come over.
I know it's awkward to get out of the shower and Tom be there. However, I don't know when you are going to be in the shower and when Tom comes over I can't make him wait outside until you are finished showering and changing. I am not sure how to avoid this problem. I do know that you have had friends in the room before when I've gotten out of the shower and it doesn't really bug me I just change in the bathroom. If you are very uncomfortable with it and have any suggestions let me know.
I understand that you are a very academically invested person and it's this very pressure which I believe causes you to push me out of the room, a room that I have paid for but am unfairly denied time in. I feel I should have the right to be in my apartment whenever I want instead of catering to your schedule. We need to make a compromise so I do not feel so unjustly exiled. If you cannot work while Tom or myself is in the room, I could suggest a number of quiet places on campus for you to study. Instead of having your BME friends over to our apartment to study, why not have a rotating schedule and spend time doing work in your friends' apartments. You could also do your homework in the BSC which has many quiet areas perfect for studying or you could take your work to the library. Perhaps it would be less distracting for you to work in one of those places.
I've noticed recently that you have been taking at least one nap a day. I am not opposed to napping and I take occasional naps myself. I would like to be more respectful while you are napping, however it is hard to be forced to tiptoe around the apartment nearly everyday.
The cleanliness of the apartment is important to me, and I think that applies to the shower as well. I have taken to showering other places because there are clumps of black hair left in the shower, in the drain, and even some in my loofah. I know you cannot control the amount of hair that is shed, however, we could remedy the problem if you removed the hair clumps after showering. That way, the drain will not clog and the shower will be much cleaner.
One last issue I have is with locking the door. I know it is very important to make sure the door is locked so that nothing gets stolen. I lock the door every time I leave the apartment and I know you do as well. I just think that if it is daytime and you are in the apartment it is unnecessary to lock the top lock on the door. I would not normally have a problem with this however since our lock is faulty and very hard to open, especially while carrying books or other items, I think that if someone is in the room locking the lower lock provides sufficient protection.
I do agree that as SLU students our academic pursuits are important. However, I do also think there are other things just as important, such as enjoying our experience in college to the fullest extent possible. I have spoken with my friend, who is the D.A. of our apartment. He has his assistance if we continue to have problems. My main issue is the fact that I feel as if you hold dominance over the apartment and I would just like to be able to spend the rest of the year feeling comfortable in my apartment instead of feeling like a stranger or as if I need to clear all my plans through you first. I know I will do my best to be considerate of your wishes and I hope you will do the same.
Sincerely,
Laura
