yay!!!!

so today i passed my first round of nursing clinicals.
i'm super excited b/c i was really really nervous but it all went well and now i feel like i am finally on my way to finally being a nurse!

Pictures

Wouldn't it be nice if someone put together a scrapbook with all our funny highschool pictures and stuff? I would volunteer to do it because I love scrapbooking and I think I'm pretty good at it, but I would need all old pictures. The other problem is that scrapbooking materials can get kinda expensive. Maybe we could all work on it together and chip in like 5 bucks each or something? Just an idea, because I think it would be a fun thing to do together or something.

Anyway, let me know what you think.

All I have to say is...

Little Miss Sunshine is the best fucking movie. saw it for the first time on thursday. loved it so much that i watched it again tonight with some friends who have never seen it.

moral of the story is if you haven't seen it, then you should. or else i'll mutilate you in your sleep. kiss kiss!

fuck YEAH do i know myself!

i was right. i regretted my post from yesterday.

to the left to the left

you know what i hate? when you feel shitty about yourself and you're trying to pin it on a cute boy, and then you talk to your roommate when you're really fucking drunk and she makes you realize it's just yourself and then you have to figure it. FUCK HOT GUYS (not in that way....and i'm gonna regret this tomorrow)

as i lay here dreaming...

i have found myself looking back on our high school days and remembering what is was that i found important at that time in my life.

it amazes me how much has changed.

i believe that i have found what i want to do with my life (yay nursing!) and i also believe that i know exactly who i want in my life for good. problem is, people think i'm crazy and that i'm just holding onto the past. maybe i am and maybe i'm not. i will tell you this though, i'm tired of waiting. i want to be done with school now, i want to move to the west coast now, i want to get married and have a home and all of that now.

the more i think about that the more and more i begin to feel selfish. i have an amazing life right now and i'm letting things that haven't even happened yet bother me.

alot of changes are going on with everyone right now.
life is short, enjoy every minute.

Sweetest T-shirt you've never bought

Ass. Well, the pic is smaller than I'd hoped. But I just bought this t-shirt, and you are jealous.

new clothes!

Whee!! I love new clothes!!
Today, I bought a new pairs of pants and a shirt....

(sorry for the awkward posture, i was attempting to look cute?). Anyway, no this isn't a post just to show off my new clothes (which were only $30 by the way), its about my gallery show!!
So, about a month ago I saw signs posted up around the art department hallways about a gallery show - not a dinky one we are having in our gallery, but like a real one in a real gallery downtown. So I submit nine of my pieces, and ALL NINE get accepted! Woo hoo!! so yeah, the show opening is this friday. There are 8 other people with pieces in the show, and so we are having an artist's reception with food, music, and lots of people will hopefully come see the work. My rents are coming! Whee!
So yeah, I am really excited and I wanted to share that with everybody. I know people won't be able to come to the show (which stays up until Feb. 16th) so I am gonna post a couple pictures here. I don't have pictures of all of the work, but I will post what I can. There are two ceramic pieces, four photos, two digital images, and one painting.

This one is the painting - I did it last year. This one was actually one of the two pictures put on the invitation sent out by the owner of the gallery!!! Oh, and in the picture the right side looks a little funky (like darker) - thats because of the way it was photographed - the background is just a flat black and stuff.

Ok this one is modeled after the Winged Victory (aka the Nike of Samothrace). She is about 15 inches tall and 15 inches long. She is ceramic, I made her last semester.

This piece is also about 15 inches tall and 15 inches wide. It has two dragons, one on each side.

This is a photo I took - Its of blinds (in the morning when the light is coming through).

This is just a guy outside Target. He made me laugh. hehe
There are two more photos, which I don't have a picture of - one is a guy on his computer, but the lighting is really cool, and the other is these two really cute little boys at a soccer game.

I made this one last year. Its little bits from magazines all cut up and pasted on a piece of paper, then scanned and cleaned up in photoshop. Its supposed to be about dreams versus reality.


This one isn't actually in the show - but I wanted to post it cause its a tribute to you guys. I made it last year and its about the whole adjustment to the balance between new friends and old friends etc etc...


This one is also from last year and it is also little bits of paper cut up and pasted down then scanned and cleaned. Its about transformation.


Ok this isn't in the show either, but I am a very proud aunt and I am also going picture happy. I figured I have already posted like 10 other pictures, whats the harm in posting one more of my adorable nephew. Besides, I just got this one in an email today. Hehehe he makes me giggle.

Ok, sorry that post was so freakishly long. Love ya guys!!! Tschuess (German for bye bye!!)

edward scissorhands the ballet... thats right, the ballet

so... edward scissorhands the ballet is coming to the fox from feb 27- march 11. would anybody be interested in going? i was looking at the lower balcony which costs like $40 but if people wanna get something cheaper thats cool. it just looks really pretty and well its edward scissorhands :) and the music is gorgeous so yeah. here is the official site for the tour. enjoy! http://www.edwardscissorhands.co.uk/mk2/index.html

Africa

I am going to apply to go on a service trip to Africa. I think I have a pretty good chance of being able to go because there weren't that many people at the meeting to apply and they said they are taking like 15 people and they will chose people based on prior experience and how much they think that person really wants to go. Well I went to El Salvador (prior experience) and I really want to go.

I am soooo excited. It is so cheap. 1500-2000 for two weeks. That includes the cost of everything except spending money. How amazing is that? El Salvador was only one week and it was nearly 1000 dollars. Plus I know a lot of people in my family and family friends who are willing to donate 100-200 dollars for me to go, plus my parish has a special fund for people going on trips like this. Plus my parents said I could go, but my mom is a little worried cause she is nervous it might not be totally safe. I think Ghana might be safer than El Salvador, but I'm not sure.

They said we will be spending some time in a small village in Ghana. But they said they also want to do touristy things, such as going to the rainforests and things like that. AHHHHHH how amazing is this?!?!?!? The only thing that could stand in my way is if more than 15 people apply (which I'm not sure that will even happen) and I get turned down, but again they said people who are motivated to go on the trip and who have been on a trip out of the country before are the ones who will get to go. I'M GOING TO AFRICA THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!!!! wOOt.

if i were drunk this title would be better.

so the other night, i was at one of andrew's conner's frat parties, and this drunk guy said to me:
"you have the most eyes i have ever seen."
that's all i need to say.

Carolyn is out of here and coming back... going back to go forward.... going the less expensive route and hoping for the best...

so i'm well aware that i haven't posted in awhile but i've been ridiculously busy literally running around without my head...

i know its weird but i feel a certain obligation to post this...i feel like i owe it to you guys to explain myself which is weird because i feel no such obligation to anyone out here in colorado or even my family or work...but you guys...shit you guys kick ass...especially when the world kicks my ass...which is the best time to kick ass if you think about it...:-)

so some of you know this...some of you know the jist... some of you heard rumers... some of you have been on the phone with me every 20 min over the past week while i figure this shit out...

and so it is here that i'm going to tell the whole story...spill it all out...laying out all of my options...looking at it from every perspective...even if its more for my benefit then yours...

in short i'm dropping out of school...no, thats not right...i really have to work on that...it keeps slipping out like that...i don't know if its my subconscious or what but i really need to learn to say that i'm "taking a semester off"...cause that is essentially what is happening...besides...the rents like hearing that better...

so i go to my bi-annually academic advisory meeting last spring as a sophomore open option major and i say i want classes..they say fine what do you want to do with your life...what do you want to be after school...always a tricky question i'm sure that you have all had experience with this temptress of a question...she seems to offer so much opportunity and hope for the future and yet is the single most terrifying thing anyone could possibly utter...with the exception of maybe "watch out, little kitty, there's a bloodsucking zombie chasing you"...i digress...

so i say i want a business major...simple enough...get me in and out and won't limit myself too much after college...everything's a business...its really just a liberal arts major which applies to everything yet seems oh so specific...people eat that up...and to top it off i'll work on that whole spanish thing...people like it when you talk dirty to them in another language...at least thats what i'm told...

they say fine...there are requirements that must be met...you need a 3.0 GPA...a B- average in Calc and MicroEcon...and you need to have less than 45 credits...

seeing as i have already taken all of my GenEd/Core Curriculum classes and i had 49 credits i didn't really see this as going to be easy but whatever...i'm carolyn! i protested uniforms by putting on everything i owned...i "ruined" Mrs. Ryan's theatrical production of Skin of Our Teeth by playing REM's It's the End of the World As We Know It during the curtain call...shit i can do anything...

so i signed a piece of paper admitting that i knew that i had too many credits for them to ensure graduation in 4 years...i enrolled in Calc and MicroEcon...finished last semester with a 3.34 cum. GPA...(haha...cum)...61 credits and a B- average in both Calc and MicroEcon...at least according to my calculations...A in Calc and a C in Econ gives me a B average which in most institutes of higher learning...shit in kindergarden...thats higher than a B-...

and i go to the academic advisers again towards the end of the semester saying what now...well according to them there was a small misrepresentation of the requirements and i needed a B- average in each Calc and MicroEcon.... something i obviously lacked in Econ...

they tell me my options are that i can 1. not enroll in classes, go to the Business Change of Major Day on the 20th of December, get an appeal of my grade, and get some overrides into business classes for spring semester...2. not enroll in classes, call the college of business on the 21st of December, get an appeal of my grade, and get some overrides into business classes for spring semester...3. enroll in bullshit classes that have nothing to do with my choice of major...4. pick a new major...

now taking into consideration my last day of exams (the 14th) and when i was to start work (18th) and how much fun i planned on having with you all (infinite) there was no way #1 was an option worth considering...3 and 4 had no merit either so i went with 2 hoping for the best...well then theres a funny little thing called a blizzard...hit fort collins on the 19th...i was out of there and a damn good thing too...unfortunately the university shut down for a week and a half...i get a call a couple days after christmas saying unfortunately due to my econ grade i do not qualify for the college of business and due to the blizzard i missed the appeal committee...i can try again next spring...so i, lacking 12 credits, talked to advisers....and i talked to advisers...and administrators...and deans...and advisers...and everyone...i think i missed the janitor but i hit up every other employee of the college of business to no avail...

i tried declaring business as a minor...most of the classes were filled...i would've had to go to a meeting on the 24th of jan...the last day to enroll in classes was the 22nd of jan... scrapped that idea...

i finally talked to an adviser worth talking to...she told me that i should just take a few bullshit classes, a macro econ class, and a spanish class through CSU and then enroll part time at Front Range Community College and retake that damn Econ class again....so thats what i did...i signed up for Intro to Visual Art and Appreciation of Philosophy...i was hoping for fingerpainting and philosophical discussions covering the complexities of the universe...(on a side note: i went to the first day of class...no such things were on the syllabus...to my dismay)

i get back here after a 19 hour car ride...risking my life on the treacherous icy roads...okay maybe thats a little dramatic...but it was kinda scary at parts.... the next day i enroll at FRCC...only to find out that that stupid little 3 credit class would cost me $1,100 at the dinky little community college...not something i was looking to spend on shit i already knew...

at this point you almost have to start blaming people...maybe if my parents signed me up for gymnastics lessons when i was 4 like i wanted then i wouldn't have this problem...i would've been at the 2000 olympics at the age of 13 with all my anorexic best friends with our hair glued down with jell-o paste and i'd be a millionaire for doing that double back handspring with a 420 twist off the balance beam... i'd have fallen so many times it wouldn't be possible to expect me to go to college and learn microeconomics...maybe if my dad hadn't of bought me a motorcycle i wouldn't have such a disregard for authority and i would've actually considered going to class instead of riding all afternoon in the gorgeous mountain passes...maybe if my old roommate, hannah hadn't been enrolled in the class with me AND been diagnosed with MS over the summer thus making it impossible to insist going to class over having wheelchair races in the hallway instead....MAYBE if my damn microecon TA hadn't of been such a complete moron and displayed his lack of intelligence on the first day by mixing up the x and y axises or then again on the third day by mixing up the supply and demand curves....MAYBE maybe maybe just then i'd be successful and happy and wonderful and peachy keen...but no...god sucks so here we go...carolyn goes on with her dilemma...

so i go to the college of business and say, in so many words, what up, my name is carolyn jackson...my id# is 823534805 because i know you don't give two shits what my name is...i'm an out of state student...i pay you 26 grand a year in tuition...and i'm peacing out...i hate you...this is your last chance to give me some good advice...to pass along some words of wisdom on a young and impressionable mind still full of innocence and open to all of the wonders the world has to offer...what do you have to say for yourselves?

and they went on about how i should just stick it out one more semester...they'll give me the appeal for next fall but they can't guarantee me any classes...blah blah blah...it looked like they were too quick to screw me over...again

if baffles the shit out of me to think that so many people are so focused and content on stealing the money of young people for 5 years of their lives who don't have a lot to give in the first place only to provide these young people with a quasi-useful piece of paper which tells the world that they have earned a "degree"...good god whatever the hell that means...the real definition of degree is really only a formalized ass raping of finances and freethinking in exchange for keggers, abortions, addictions, and a cubicle to call your own until the company which you have shown nothing but loyalty to decides to upgrade to a younger generation and lay you off to suck off the government til you die in a nursing home alone in arizona only to get your soul sucked out of your asshole while a reincarnated Elvis and JFK try to defend you with a spray bottle of gasoline and a zippo...

i just watched bubba ho tep...can you tell? so i call up my dad and say hey i'm coming home...less than thrilled with the idea he agrees to come pick me up...tells me my timing kinda sucks but he is proud that i'm taking control of my own education...

so heres the deal...for the next 4 days i will be packing...my dad flies out on friday...we shovel my bike out of my cousin's garage...i will attempt to get my dad to smoke hookah with us...we will pack up a rented uhaul and my car with all of my shit (and believe me...theres a lot of it) and leave saturday morning to drive back to st. louis...i'll live in my parent's basement while i pay off the rent from out here...seeing as theres no way to cancel my lease...i just have to pay the next 4 months of rent and then be done with it...i start work full time on tuesday at gateway harley davidson...same place i worked at over the breaks...they have agreed to work around my school schedule so i can work there at least part time for the summer and fall semesters while i go to school full time...i can transfer most of my credits over to either SLU or Webster both with fairly decent business colleges...and i've already talked to advisers at both so there won't be an issue of not being able to talk to anyone like at CSU....hopefully at the beginning of the summer, after i pay off the rent in colorado and save up a little money on the side from working, i can get my own apartment...making this summer kick the most ass of any thus far...seeing as we will actually have a place to chill...

so thats me lately...and luckily...or not...you'll be seeing a lot more of me...which is at least exciting(er) for me anyway... watch out hovis and merge and george and nick and stu and jax and jimmy and marty and whoever the hell else lives in stl full time now...we'll be having a good time...

just to warn you i'm a little terrified of this whole not enrolled in a school for the first time in oh i don't know 15 years thing...and the whole full time employment thing also kinda freaks me out... and the whole being back in stl thing is a little unsettling...but yea...i'm excited(er)...hopefully this will be a good thing...and i can't wait to see you all on saturday...or shortly thereafter...:-)

Feminists

I know I have been posting a lot recently, and for that I apologize. But no one else has been posting and I have a few things I need to rant about, so I am going to post again.

I climbed in to bed at about 1 o'clock. I have been laying in bed for over an hour and a half unable to fall asleep because I have been thinking about things. The thing I have not been able to stop thinking about lately is feminists. I know that I was always the person who cracked a joke about feminists and when we played that game (I think it was called True Colors but I'm not sure) that Jacquelyn brought to spring break at the Ozarks, everyone voted me as the person who "secretly thinks women are the weaker sex". That was me, but I realized how much I have really changed during my hour and a half of nonsleep.

Women have had to fight so hard to get where we are today and I just feel bad because I have always taken this for granted. When I started hanging out with some guys at SLU who lived by Tom and some of my experiences at Truman made me realize there is a lot of sexism today. For instance, guys tend to assume that I am bad at video games because I am a girl. And my sister Michelle who is very athletic always complains because guys make fun of her and say she is not good at sports because she is a girl. I know these are really small examples, but they still piss me off. I can be just as good as any guy at video games even though I'm a girl and Michelle can (and has) kick many guys asses in soccer. At Truman I even experienced people who felt women were not as smart as men and that was obvious through comments they made during conversations and such. I think I am starting to realize there is a lot of work to be done because a lot of people still consider males to be superior even at the smaller things like video games and sports, and even other small things.

But, I've also been thinking a lot about pressures. Since I have come to college, especially at SLU, I have felt so much pressure to look good. It's like I won't be accepted or people will blow me off if I'm not dressed in expensive clothes or a size zero with perfect hair and makeup and nails. Everytime I turn on the TV all I see are shows where guys are using women and treating them like sex objects.

I feel like I'm starting to just fall apart under the pressure. When I have tried to talk to other people about this before (usually guys, I don't have many close female friends that I feel comfortable talking about this with because they are all so pretty and skinny) they always say there is no pressure and that I should just be myself. Well those guys just don't understand what its like to go to a club and guys are all over all your friends but not you, or to walk through the mall and your friends get hit on but you get ignored. I feel like since guys are mostly the ones to approach girls, guys won't understand the pressure women feel when they are the only ones who never get approached.

I know I've always had really low self-confidence, but like its at an all time low now because I feel like nearly everyone at SLU is SOOOO superficial. I can't make any friends by just being myself and I don't have the money and I'm not skinny enough to look and dress the way all the other girls look and dress. I wouldn't want to change myself for them anyway. Even when I have early classes and I leave in my pajamas with my hair a mess, I look at all the other girls walking around with their hair and outfits looking perfect. It's almost like none of the girls take a break from trying to look perfect. Even when they are dressed in their sweats they are still like expensive sweats from Hollister and they still have their hair fixed and makeup on and still look cute.

I just wish I would stop feeling so pressured to look good and I wish I could just once look at myself and not have to think about all the things I need to change in order to fit in and make friends. Sorry this post turned sorta depressing at the end but thats just how I'm feeling now.

the firing and rehiring of stephanie

ok, so being an RA has been good for me this year. yes, i've messed up and made mistakes... but hey i'm human. these mistakes have put me on RA job probation. ok, now with that said, enjoy!
sunday night i decided that i was already sick of school (yeah.. one week down and already at that point). well what else would i do but decide to drink a bit to take the edge off? so i go into my friend heather's room and drink with her and 3 more of my residents. now, as you can all probably figure out that was a horrible idea on my part 1. being their RA and 2. being on probation. ok, so the only people that saw me drinking in the dorm were the four people drinking with me and matt who had been hanging out with me beforehand.
so we're feeling pretty good and decide to go over to the lambda chi party. i get there.. having fun.. dancing, etc. well matt shows up (and yes.. things are STILL weird with me and him) and anyway he is there like all up on this girl and in my drunkeness i freak out on him. matt pushed me, i pushed back needless to say we got thrown out of the party. well matt was sober, brooke (the girl he was on) was drunk and so was i... so not really a good situation to start with.
basically, matt brooke and i are screaming at each other in from of the frat house and finally they begin to walk off and for some reason i chase after them. i end up back in matt's dorm with him and we have this huge argument in the lobby. (most of this is what i heard from other people b/c i dont' remember alot of that night).
ok, well i finally make it back to my building and then chill out with some of the guys and go to bed.
the next day i'm called by my boss and i already know that i'm completely screwed. she tells me that she knows that i was drinking with my residents and in the building (two huge no-nos for RAs), and she tells me that matt ratted me out.
needless to say, i was fired on the spot. i freak out all of monday and part of tuesday b/c without the RA job i didnt have enough money to stay here in Tulsa and was gonna have to come back to StL.
It was just yesterday that my boss had a change of heart (and lots of threats from the residents of this building b/c i let them get away with alot and why would they want to start getting in trouble now?) so i'm rehired but this whole side of campus hates matt b/c he's the only one who said anything to my boss about me drinking. yes, i messed up... but as my friend that was not the right thing for him to do.
either way, things are crazy right now. matt and i are taking a break from each other and gonna see how things are later down the road.
i just can't believe that within the last 48 hours i went from being fired and ready to drop out of school to everything being back to normal... its absolutely crazy!

Crazy First Day - Kinga Long...Sorry

So today has been soo crazy. First I wake up and go to my first class. So far so good. I am such a slacker. I don't have any of my books, know any of my teachers names, or what class I should be going to. All I knew when I woke up this morning is that I had an 11 o'clock class in Ritter Hall 238. I didn't even know the class title or anything.

As soon as I walk into the classroom the teacher says his name, then annouces in a loud voice that he is gay and has had a partner for 22 years. Not that I have anything against gay people or their partners, but I thought it was really strange that was the first thing he said. I don't walk into classrooms and annouce that I'm straight and have had a boyfriend for a year and a half. What does his sexual orientation have to do with anything? He later told us that the class was like Diversity in the Classroom or something like that and asked everyone in the class to explain if they have had any experience with Diversity. I said going to El Salvador and he thought that was cool. He's a pretty chill teacher, and now I kinda understand why he told us he was gay. I was surprised when another girl in the class said she was a lesbian, I thought that took a lot of guts because people at SLU are pretty judgemental and she got some weird looks. She was the last person I ever expected to be a lesbian because of the way she looked and dressed and acted, and now I feel bad for judging her before I even knew her but I guess everyone really judges everyone in their head, the thing that makes it bad is when people act on those judgments. Like if I saw someone I thought looked like a bitch I don't think I would be wrong for thinking she looks like a bitch but I think I would be wrong if I blew her off because of it.

Anyway, so basically the day had gone pretty smoothly. My class ended a little early so I had time to chill in my apartment and take a shower before my next class. I went and looked at my roomies schedule - she put in on the wall in case of an "emergency"...freak! - and see that she gets out of class the same time I do. Since I had gotten out like 15 minutes early I was expecting her to be back in like 15 to 20 minutes. Well, I jump in the shower without even thinking to grab the most important thing. So I shower for like 15 minutes, and as soon as I get out I was like..."Shit, I forgot a towel." Now many times I have gotten in the shower thinking no one was in the room, and then when I get out I listen to see if I can hear if my roomie is in the room and if I don't hear anything I walk out in a bra or something. Well a couple times she has been in the room, she is just as quite as a mouse, which is weird because of her weight I would think I should be able to hear her walking or something. Nope absolutely silent. So today I'm stuck standing in the bathroom literally sopping wet and dripping all over. I was worried the floor would start to leak in the room below us. So I needed to do something fast. I was thinking my roomie might be back from her class already. I listen carefully and don't hear her. So I'm getting ready to walk out of the shower naked, when I remember about how she is always quite and I've been surprised to see her in the room before. So I call her name a few times. She's not there. I run out of the room expecting her back any minute because her class had ended like 8 minutes ago. I am searching everywhere for a towel, only to realize I left all my towels at home on accident. I heard someone walking down the hall, so I dash back into the shower as quickly as I can. I grabbed her towel to dry off really quickly and her towel is navy blue and left nasty little blue things all over my body. I barely even got to dry off and I ran back out of the bathroom naked and dressed as quickly as I could. Luckily, my room has a faulty lock and I was dressed and brushing my hair before she even opened the door. She doesn't know it happened.

My day only gets better...after my shower I have to leave like immediately to get to my next class. On the schedule me and Tom had printed this weekend, it says my class is in Xavier Hall room 128. I'm rushing to get to Xavier and not be late for class, I was a little behind schedule because of the towel ordeal. Since I didn't get to dry off properly I was walking still wet. Today it was lightly snowing all day and temperature was like 19 degrees and lower including wind chill. As soon as I step outside my wet hair starts to turn into icicles. Literally my hair turned to icicles. So I am freezing wet all over with icy hair and people are giving me weird looks. I finally make it to Xavier 128 like a minute after my class should have started (12:45). I walk into the room and there is a small class of like 15 people and an old lady teacher. I didn't even realize I was in the wrong classroom, because again I hadn't cared to look at what classes I was going to, just the time and location. So the teacher asks me what I am in the classroom for, and I am just standing in the back of the classroom (the door is in the back) the whole class is turned and looking at me. So I said "Class". Everyone started laughing at me, I was so embarassed. I don't get it, all I did was answer her question she asked what I was there for. The teacher was really nice though and simply asked "Which class sweety?" I told her I had no idea. More laughing from the class. Luckily, another person walked in the classroom and asked "Is this American History?" I knew immediately that was the class I was in cause I know I'm taking American History...I remembered because my professor was rated hot on ratemyprofessor.com. I was thanking God this girl came in and saved me. The teacher explained there had been some sort of mix up and our History class was actually in Reinart Hall 236. She asked me and the girl to write down our names and email addresses and she said she would email our teacher to tell him that we had at least attempted to come to class if we couldn't meet up with him later. The other girl raced up to write her name down and ran out of the room. Because I honestly didn't care if I was late since I am not the one who fucked up, I took my time writing my name and email address down. As I was leaving the room the teacher called, "Wait come here for a second." I walked back into the classroom and she asked "Do you know who your teacher is so I know who to email?" Again, I had no fucking clue. I just stood there saying "Um" like an idiot while the class, once again, laughed at me. The teacher smiled nicely and said "Thats ok I can look it up after this class."

I was so embarassed I was walking down the hall and suddenly remembered I didn't know where Reinart was. I knew it was a dorm building so I didn't understand how there were classrooms. Luckily right as I left the classroom I bumped into Tom in the same building on his way to class. He looked really cute in the outfit he was wearing and I was so relieved to see him. So he explained to me how he thought you should go to get to the classrooms in Reinart and where it was, but he wasn't quite positive about where the classrooms were located in Reinart and I was still a little unclear. I thanked him and headed off to my class. At this point it had to be around 12:55 or 1. My class started at 12:45. So I am walking again in the freezing cold with icy hair. Reinart is all the way across campus basically. So as I am walking I am still a little confused about how to get into the classrooms. Then I see a girl walking with a History book and I am so excited. She was walking sooo fast...and let me explain something quickly. The only way I can really explain this is by using horses as an example. Those who have ridden horses or had lessons know that horses have four natural gaits. They are walking, trotting, cantering, and galloping. Each horse moves at their own speed for the gait. There are fast walking horses and slow walking horses, and sometimes a horse that walks slow can only move as quickly as a horse that walks fast while it is trotting. So the slow horse has to trot to keep up with the fast horse while it just walks. Now let me relate this to my situation. I have just a natural slow walk. I can walk kinda fast if I want to, but I have come to find out I cannot walk as fast as other people. Maybe its because my legs are short or something, but if I want to move as fast as others when they like power walk, I have to move up to jogging. I can jog pretty quickly and I can sprint alright, but I just cannot walk as fast as some other people without starting to jog.

So this girl is like power walking sooo quickly. I have to keep jogging to keep up with her and occasionally I have to start running. As soon as I get to Reinart I notice she starts to walk around the side of the building. So I am following her and she keeps like looking over her shoulder...I don't blame her it was pretty creepy but I really had to know where to go so I can get to class. By now it is like 1:10 or 1:15ish. So I follow her all the way around to the back of the building only to see her get into her car and drive away and get onto the highway. I was like "Fuck I just followed this girl this whole time and she was just going to her car." So I walk back around to the front of Reinart and see more people with books and backpacks walking in. I should have learned my lesson, but I start to follow them in Reinart to see if they can lead me to the classrooms. So I follow them and they walk down this hallway with three doors on the left side. They go in the first one. It was room 20. I was thinking the lady told me I was in 200 something but I assumed she just made a mistake. So, I follow them in. There is a huge class and a teacher at the front talking. I just stood at the door til he noticed me and asked me if I would take a seat. He didn't look hot, he looked old, so I was thinking I had gotten the wrong class because again ratemyprofessor.com had my History professor listed as a hottie. I asked the teacher if this was History but he said no it was English. Damn. I walked around trying to find more classrooms but all the other doors were locked and they weren't classrooms. I saw my friend Nina was working at the desk in the dorm side of the building and asked her if there was a room 200 something in the building. She said there was only one classroom and it was room 20.

So I'm frustrated at this point having walked in the cold with icy hair for nothing. Then I remember there is a Ritter Hall on campus. I know there is a room 236 in Ritter. I was like, "Oh, she probably meant Ritter." Ritter isn't too far from Reinart but it is already 1:25ish and my class ends at 2. So I run to Ritter and get there in record time (like 4 or 5 minutes). I went to 236 and saw a woman teaching, and one thing I know for sure is my teacher is male. So I went all around the floor looking in all the 200 rooms but not many classes were being held and the only ones that were had women teachers.

Defeated I came back to my apartment. I was so determined not to be late for my first class and give the teacher the impression I am a slacker or something (which I am, I just didn't want him to know...yet). I decided to recheck my computer and check my schedule again to see if they had the right room posted now (I had last printed my schedule like Saturday so I wasn't sure if they had changed it since then). I figured I could do it quick enough and still make it for the last ten or fifteen minutes. So I am in a huge rush. Then my internet won't work, and I remembered that I have to reregister my computer to use the internet. Registering doesn't take long so I go as quickly as I can. Then the stupid computer says I need to update. As I am updating it keeps stopping saying "Bad checksum". So I called ITS and sat on the phone with it ringing for like 5 minutes before they took my call. Before I figured out how to fix the problem it was like 5 til two. I looked at my schedule and they had changed the rooms on the schedule. The room I should have gone to is Xavier Hall 236. One fucking floor above the room I was in when the lady told me to go to Reinart. I could have just walked up a floor instead of going through the whole thing.

So then I had to walk to go talk to the people about changing my meal plan to the commuter meal plan since I am going to buy my own food this semester. Trying to eat healthy and lose some weight, and thats impossible to do with campus food. So I went there and changed that. Then I went to go try and figure out my financial shit because I am on the verge of losing my classes. I have been having a lot of problem getting my student loan figured out and my parents keep threatening to not cosign for it because my dad hates SLU and never wanted me to come here and is making me pay for the left over tuition costs and all this shit. So I went to go get that figured out and my mom gave me a check to pay for all the other stuff I need to pay for. The problem is they way overcharged us. It is so fucking hard to get anything done right around here. It was hell trying to find out how much I owed them its so confusing because I have my loan problems and I changed my meal plan and I am supposed to be getting more money from this one thing and its not showing up and now I have to figure out how much money I should be getting back and go bother them til they give me the refund check. It is impossible to get anyone to do anything right without having to do it four or five times. Ugh.

But thats not all. I was frustrated but I came back to my apartment and I emailed my teacher and he emailed me back saying he would not count it as an absence and he was really nice. That put me in a better mood. Tom came over and that put me in an even better mood. Me and Tom went to go get some lunch and sell back our books. Turns out they are only taking back two of the books I had, and I only got 30 dollars back. Bullshit. Me and Tom grab some food and eat together. We talked and realized we both needed money desperately, I am so sick of being the poor college student who cannot go to the movies with everyone else cause I'm broke. So I called the YMCA to ask if they would train me as a lifeguard - my dad had told me he would pay for me to keep my car on campus if I could get a job. I got my supervisors answering machine and left her a message. She left me one back saying for the time I could teach swim lessons but I would have to wait to be trained. That sounded alright, the only problem is I work at the Kirkwood YMCA and I am kinda worried driving all the way out there and back to SLU might waste more money in gas then I am making. So me and Tom call the Office Depot by SLU (it is like 2 miles away) and ask if they are hiring. They said they are basically desperate for workers right now, so we decide to walk down there in the cold and dark to apply. I stop for hot chocolate on the way and accidentally spill some of it on my white jacket and all over my glove. My hand was all sticky (I hate being sticky).

We went to the Office Depot and applied and the guy there asked if we could come back tomorrow (technically today now because it is after midnight) for a test. Sounded like the guy wanted to hire us. I am kinda worried because Brenda at the Y has been trying to get me to work there year round since she found out I got into SLU and then I called her about getting a job and now I might get a different job and I hope I don't lose my summer job. I was thinking maybe I could work like twice a week at each job but again I don't know if I would be making enough to be making a profit cause of gas prices. I would be making $7.50 an hour as a lifeguard probably with 4 or 5 hour shifts and driving 12.73 miles to and from work (25.46 miles total for one trip to and from) and getting like 32ish miles per hour (it is mostly highway driving). If anyone wants to do the math and see if I will be making a big enough profit to take that job for two days out of the week instead of the one by SLU which will most likely pay less but be closer then go ahead. I feel obligated to take the YMCA job to save my summer camp job which I love soo much.

So all in all I had a crazy day. I must have walked nearly 8 miles all day just all around campus and too and from Office Depot. I am beat. Well, I'm gonna go read now and then fall asleep and hopefully have a less crazy day tomorrow. Sorry this was so long, just like my days was! All in all, it wasn't a bad day, I had fun and was glad to be back and with Tom again. Anyway, hope no one else had such a hectic first day back.

when i see you cry, well it makes me smile

so i just thought you all should know that paul and i have broken up. i feel weird just posting it like this, but i hope that the more i talk about it and the more times i say it, the easier it'll be to deal with. i know that he and i have had issues in the past, but this is for real. i don't really want to get into the details right now, but i just wanted to let you know. i hope all your semesters are starting off well, and take care.

Nursery

Well you will never believe this...I am sick...AGAIN. Ugh why does my body hate me and my social life? Luckily I'm no where near as sick as I was last time.

I can only guess one place where I could have gotten germs. The nursery I am working at. It is infested with sick babies (the parents don't even care they just drop the kids off anyway infecting all the other kids plus the staff workers) and all the little toddlers and babies just slobber all over everything. The place has to be crawling with germs.

You know how I worked at the YMCA Summer Camps? Well some lady fell and broke her hip and she worked in the nursery and no one else would take her shifts so I got asked to do it. Honestly the YMCA Nursery Worker People are the laziest ever. Many of them complain that they want to leave and they only have two hour shifts. Seriously its not that hard or that long. ANd most of them are over 30 years old.

Surprisingly, I seem to be the only staff person who can get a baby to quiet down. The past two times I worked there have been little babies that are fussy. And I have never worked at the nursery before and these people are old and have been working there for years. And apparently they still don't know how to get a baby to stop screaming and crying. I finally calmed down this one adorable little girl tonight after no other staff member could get her to stop crying for like 45 minutes. Idiots.

My mom thinks I'm faking sick so I don't have to go to work tomorrow. Actually, I have a fever of like 101.2. How the hell do you fake that? And even though in my gradeschool days I spent a lot of time in the nurses office with "headaches" and "stomach aches" trying to get my mom to pick me up from school, that doesn't mean that now, like six or seven years later, I would try and pull the same crap. I am just tired of sitting around at home sick. It sucks and it is wasting nearly half my break. Ugh it sucks.

thanks folks

i just wanted to say that it has been wonderful to see everyone over break. i know it becomes harder and harder to have big gatherings as time goes by, and it really means a lot to me that we still manage to get together fairly often.

Reading

Right now my mom is sitting next to Michael and trying to teach him how to read. It is hilarious. I feel so bad for the poor kid he cant pronounce his s's, r's, or t's. Also he is kinda slow at learning and was having a hard time reading. I actually have the book memorized from hearing it so many times. It goes "That Tam. Sit Tom. Tom sat. Sit tam. I said sit Tam. I said SIT Tam. We said SIT Tam. Tam sat." Anyway there are so many s's and t's it was just so funny. He sounded like Sid the Sloth. I got a short video which I might post later when I figure out who to download videos from my camera.

Anyway, can't wait to see everyone at Amandas.

Party at Amanda's

Hopefully you can read titles. Anyway, party at Amanda's, Saturday night. Be there around 9ish. You know, the usual. This will be the last party before people start heading back to school (okay, that's a lie some have already left, but still.) The Trumanites leave on Sundayish. NO DRUGS assholes. Rick found a small package of coke at one of the parties this summer, and that is complete bullshit. Rick and Donna are nice enough to put up with our lame/drunk asses and allow us to drink and use their house and pool. Don't betray their trust by bringing drugs in. It's a big no-no. I'm a bit more pissed than Amanda, but I'm basically the hostess anyway. And yes, I could be to blame cuz I invite weird people, but granted they're really dumb and just drink alcohol. Alcohol is allowed, BYOB, remember there are parking restrictions on her street (park at the high school), yadda yadda yadda. Any other questions, call me or Amanda. I'm not sure if the hot tub will be working, but bring a suit if you're so inclined. Food is always welcome. Later bitches.

party at dai's

ok friends, how does a party sound tomorrow at my house come around 8 30 or so? byob, food, whatever if you want it. it is going to be pretty chill. but there will be a fire, and love. and i look forward to seeing people.

oh and if you are coming, could you please call/text/leave a message on this post? i would like to have an idea of how many ppl to expect.

yay!