SAD

So I am sure many of you know that I suffer from SAD, aka Seasonal Affective Disorder. I've been diagnosed since I was about 8 years old and have been medicated basically all my life. For those of you who I hadn't told, you might have been able to figure out from my extreme depression that occurs during the end of fall and winter. Basically it's been a long winter of depression, negative self confidence, crying, anger, lack of sleep, weight gain, and tons of other bad things. The only thing that really makes me feel good in winter is snow/ice because its pretty, fun to play and sled in, and you can make snowmen and snowangels and forts and stuff.

Well this past week has been amazing in Saint Louis. It's been warm and sunny and beautiful outside, except for this weekend when it rained a lot. Anyway, I woke up last week each morning to birds chirping, and although I was a bit annoyed at being woken up at the crack of dawn, it made me so happy. Around this time I start to get filled with such an enormous feeling of happiness. I don't know if I can really explain it for anyone who hasn't experience serious depression, but I feel like I'm dead all over. Or I feel like I want to die nearly everyday. When spring starts to come around I feel like I'm back alive again. Like I can look in the mirror and notice that my hair looks pretty or I have nice legs and stuff instead of hiding from mirrors.

Well, this winter has been particularly hard on me because I left all my friends at Truman and I miss them like crazy. Plus I have been having a really hard time adjusting at SLU. Plus I am over 18 now so I don't really have a doctor anymore so I was still taking my normal doses of depression medicine (I take small doses in spring and summer and halfway through fall I start to take heavier doses).

Anyway, I was just feeling in such an amazing mood that I wanted to post this to everyone. I also dyed my hair, don't worry its not permanent. When I dyed it I noticed a pretty big difference but it does look similar to how it did before and no one has noticed I dyed it yet so I'm not sure if it is even worth it to take pictures for everyone or not. I was disappointed because I wanted to see how I would look as a brunette but it turned out dirty blonde so as soon as it washes out I'm going to try again with a darker color.

I hope everyone feels as good as I do right now. When people are coming back to Saint Louis for break call me please cause I want to see you all!