Carolyn is out of here and coming back... going back to go forward.... going the less expensive route and hoping for the best...

so i'm well aware that i haven't posted in awhile but i've been ridiculously busy literally running around without my head...

i know its weird but i feel a certain obligation to post this...i feel like i owe it to you guys to explain myself which is weird because i feel no such obligation to anyone out here in colorado or even my family or work...but you guys...shit you guys kick ass...especially when the world kicks my ass...which is the best time to kick ass if you think about it...:-)

so some of you know this...some of you know the jist... some of you heard rumers... some of you have been on the phone with me every 20 min over the past week while i figure this shit out...

and so it is here that i'm going to tell the whole story...spill it all out...laying out all of my options...looking at it from every perspective...even if its more for my benefit then yours...

in short i'm dropping out of school...no, thats not right...i really have to work on that...it keeps slipping out like that...i don't know if its my subconscious or what but i really need to learn to say that i'm "taking a semester off"...cause that is essentially what is happening...besides...the rents like hearing that better...

so i go to my bi-annually academic advisory meeting last spring as a sophomore open option major and i say i want classes..they say fine what do you want to do with your life...what do you want to be after school...always a tricky question i'm sure that you have all had experience with this temptress of a question...she seems to offer so much opportunity and hope for the future and yet is the single most terrifying thing anyone could possibly utter...with the exception of maybe "watch out, little kitty, there's a bloodsucking zombie chasing you"...i digress...

so i say i want a business major...simple enough...get me in and out and won't limit myself too much after college...everything's a business...its really just a liberal arts major which applies to everything yet seems oh so specific...people eat that up...and to top it off i'll work on that whole spanish thing...people like it when you talk dirty to them in another language...at least thats what i'm told...

they say fine...there are requirements that must be met...you need a 3.0 GPA...a B- average in Calc and MicroEcon...and you need to have less than 45 credits...

seeing as i have already taken all of my GenEd/Core Curriculum classes and i had 49 credits i didn't really see this as going to be easy but whatever...i'm carolyn! i protested uniforms by putting on everything i owned...i "ruined" Mrs. Ryan's theatrical production of Skin of Our Teeth by playing REM's It's the End of the World As We Know It during the curtain call...shit i can do anything...

so i signed a piece of paper admitting that i knew that i had too many credits for them to ensure graduation in 4 years...i enrolled in Calc and MicroEcon...finished last semester with a 3.34 cum. GPA...(haha...cum)...61 credits and a B- average in both Calc and MicroEcon...at least according to my calculations...A in Calc and a C in Econ gives me a B average which in most institutes of higher learning...shit in kindergarden...thats higher than a B-...

and i go to the academic advisers again towards the end of the semester saying what now...well according to them there was a small misrepresentation of the requirements and i needed a B- average in each Calc and MicroEcon.... something i obviously lacked in Econ...

they tell me my options are that i can 1. not enroll in classes, go to the Business Change of Major Day on the 20th of December, get an appeal of my grade, and get some overrides into business classes for spring semester...2. not enroll in classes, call the college of business on the 21st of December, get an appeal of my grade, and get some overrides into business classes for spring semester...3. enroll in bullshit classes that have nothing to do with my choice of major...4. pick a new major...

now taking into consideration my last day of exams (the 14th) and when i was to start work (18th) and how much fun i planned on having with you all (infinite) there was no way #1 was an option worth considering...3 and 4 had no merit either so i went with 2 hoping for the best...well then theres a funny little thing called a blizzard...hit fort collins on the 19th...i was out of there and a damn good thing too...unfortunately the university shut down for a week and a half...i get a call a couple days after christmas saying unfortunately due to my econ grade i do not qualify for the college of business and due to the blizzard i missed the appeal committee...i can try again next spring...so i, lacking 12 credits, talked to advisers....and i talked to advisers...and administrators...and deans...and advisers...and everyone...i think i missed the janitor but i hit up every other employee of the college of business to no avail...

i tried declaring business as a minor...most of the classes were filled...i would've had to go to a meeting on the 24th of jan...the last day to enroll in classes was the 22nd of jan... scrapped that idea...

i finally talked to an adviser worth talking to...she told me that i should just take a few bullshit classes, a macro econ class, and a spanish class through CSU and then enroll part time at Front Range Community College and retake that damn Econ class again....so thats what i did...i signed up for Intro to Visual Art and Appreciation of Philosophy...i was hoping for fingerpainting and philosophical discussions covering the complexities of the universe...(on a side note: i went to the first day of class...no such things were on the syllabus...to my dismay)

i get back here after a 19 hour car ride...risking my life on the treacherous icy roads...okay maybe thats a little dramatic...but it was kinda scary at parts.... the next day i enroll at FRCC...only to find out that that stupid little 3 credit class would cost me $1,100 at the dinky little community college...not something i was looking to spend on shit i already knew...

at this point you almost have to start blaming people...maybe if my parents signed me up for gymnastics lessons when i was 4 like i wanted then i wouldn't have this problem...i would've been at the 2000 olympics at the age of 13 with all my anorexic best friends with our hair glued down with jell-o paste and i'd be a millionaire for doing that double back handspring with a 420 twist off the balance beam... i'd have fallen so many times it wouldn't be possible to expect me to go to college and learn microeconomics...maybe if my dad hadn't of bought me a motorcycle i wouldn't have such a disregard for authority and i would've actually considered going to class instead of riding all afternoon in the gorgeous mountain passes...maybe if my old roommate, hannah hadn't been enrolled in the class with me AND been diagnosed with MS over the summer thus making it impossible to insist going to class over having wheelchair races in the hallway instead....MAYBE if my damn microecon TA hadn't of been such a complete moron and displayed his lack of intelligence on the first day by mixing up the x and y axises or then again on the third day by mixing up the supply and demand curves....MAYBE maybe maybe just then i'd be successful and happy and wonderful and peachy keen...but no...god sucks so here we go...carolyn goes on with her dilemma...

so i go to the college of business and say, in so many words, what up, my name is carolyn jackson...my id# is 823534805 because i know you don't give two shits what my name is...i'm an out of state student...i pay you 26 grand a year in tuition...and i'm peacing out...i hate you...this is your last chance to give me some good advice...to pass along some words of wisdom on a young and impressionable mind still full of innocence and open to all of the wonders the world has to offer...what do you have to say for yourselves?

and they went on about how i should just stick it out one more semester...they'll give me the appeal for next fall but they can't guarantee me any classes...blah blah blah...it looked like they were too quick to screw me over...again

if baffles the shit out of me to think that so many people are so focused and content on stealing the money of young people for 5 years of their lives who don't have a lot to give in the first place only to provide these young people with a quasi-useful piece of paper which tells the world that they have earned a "degree"...good god whatever the hell that means...the real definition of degree is really only a formalized ass raping of finances and freethinking in exchange for keggers, abortions, addictions, and a cubicle to call your own until the company which you have shown nothing but loyalty to decides to upgrade to a younger generation and lay you off to suck off the government til you die in a nursing home alone in arizona only to get your soul sucked out of your asshole while a reincarnated Elvis and JFK try to defend you with a spray bottle of gasoline and a zippo...

i just watched bubba ho tep...can you tell? so i call up my dad and say hey i'm coming home...less than thrilled with the idea he agrees to come pick me up...tells me my timing kinda sucks but he is proud that i'm taking control of my own education...

so heres the deal...for the next 4 days i will be packing...my dad flies out on friday...we shovel my bike out of my cousin's garage...i will attempt to get my dad to smoke hookah with us...we will pack up a rented uhaul and my car with all of my shit (and believe me...theres a lot of it) and leave saturday morning to drive back to st. louis...i'll live in my parent's basement while i pay off the rent from out here...seeing as theres no way to cancel my lease...i just have to pay the next 4 months of rent and then be done with it...i start work full time on tuesday at gateway harley davidson...same place i worked at over the breaks...they have agreed to work around my school schedule so i can work there at least part time for the summer and fall semesters while i go to school full time...i can transfer most of my credits over to either SLU or Webster both with fairly decent business colleges...and i've already talked to advisers at both so there won't be an issue of not being able to talk to anyone like at CSU....hopefully at the beginning of the summer, after i pay off the rent in colorado and save up a little money on the side from working, i can get my own apartment...making this summer kick the most ass of any thus far...seeing as we will actually have a place to chill...

so thats me lately...and luckily...or not...you'll be seeing a lot more of me...which is at least exciting(er) for me anyway... watch out hovis and merge and george and nick and stu and jax and jimmy and marty and whoever the hell else lives in stl full time now...we'll be having a good time...

just to warn you i'm a little terrified of this whole not enrolled in a school for the first time in oh i don't know 15 years thing...and the whole full time employment thing also kinda freaks me out... and the whole being back in stl thing is a little unsettling...but yea...i'm excited(er)...hopefully this will be a good thing...and i can't wait to see you all on saturday...or shortly thereafter...:-)