wish i felt the same

this is bitter--watch out. i wish i was having as great a college experience as the rest of you. two of my best friends from last year left, and i hardly ever talk to them anymore. when the guy best friend is in town, we hardly have anything to say anymore and he feels like a stranger. the best friend that stayed, even though i'm rooming with her, we don't hang out. i don't think i can even call her a best friend anymore because i don't have that impulse to tell her things anymore, bad things or good things, and she doesn't tell me much either, anymore. oh yea, and this guy that i thought i was becoming better friends with, i've been trying to hang out with him this week cause i haven't gotten to see him in a while and he hasn't been calling when he said he would. and he and i will make plans, and then i'll call him (because he hasn't called me) to see if we're still hanging out, but nope, he's actually got fraternity obligations that he didn't realize but did he bother to call? no. i'm becoming better friends with this guy on my floor but it's not the same--sometimes i try to tell him stuff, and it just doesn't feel the same.
i no longer have those great late night heart-to-hearts that you talked about, keegan, because i have no one to have them with. i don't get to cuddle with my boyfriend because he's over a thousand miles away and oh yea, he's going away during our breaks during the time we're supposed to spend together.
i can't afford to miss my classes and "enjoy life with friends" because 1) i don't have many to enjoy life with and 2) i don't know what else to do so i'm going to be a nurse and i'm currently about to fail two of my science classes so i can't afford to just piss around and skip school and value "life experiences" more than grades--but what the fuck else am i supposed to do? i can't be one of those people who just majors in something that makes them happy and see where it takes them. i just can't do it. i really wish i could--if i could, i'd just be doing theatre and photography. but i want a trade, a job--i want to make money when i'm out of college! it makes me happy! it makes me feel secure! what's wrong with that?!!?
my days consist of school, homework, food, cleaning, maybe talking to a couple of people around campus when i run into them, and planning the next boring day. and since i have a job to pay for groceries and my cell phone and plane tickets to visit my boyfriend, i have to miss out on a bunch of cool social stuff because i'm always working. and i have a massive credit card debt, so i'm not saving any money right now.
i'm just so fucking pissed that i can't make any friends. what the hell is that about? what fucking prick ruling the universe gets to do this to someone? it's not fair. i joined fucking KSLU in hopes of improving my social situation--nope, everyone there seems to find me annoying or something. and they're all fucking bonding with the freshmen and whatnot, and i try to talk to people and i get the cold shoulder. WHAT the HELL. so i'm glad all of you seem to be doing fine, but i hate HATE being at school right now. whatever, this is depressing me, i'm going to clean (go fucking figure, it's all i fucking do) and go to bed.