Twinkle, twinkle
Working at the YMCA, where lots of small children and old people take classes in the pool, I have begun to contemplate the life cycle. On Tuesdays and Thursdays at 11:15, there is a 3-5 year olds' swim class and a water exercise class for the elderly going on. The little kids sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" while they practice floating on their backs, looking up at the ceiling, and the old folks sing it while they hold both ends of a noodle and stretch from side to side. Much like young children do in preschool or kindergarten or whatnot, the old folks also practice saying their vowels, to stretch their face muscles. And I have to admit, I kind of use "baby talk" when I talk to the older ladies. You know the kind of fake-ish voice I'm talking about. It's so weird to look at them and think that they were once my age and that I will one day be their age (well, I hope so anyway). Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough in life and I should do more cause I don't have much teenage time left. But sometimes I think I should relax more and just live for the moment and not try to be doing something memorable all the time. And I also don't know who to spend my time with. I know I haven't been hanging out with the Nerinx group much at all, and I certainly miss it, but I also love the people I have been hanging out with. I was actually crying in church on Sunday thinking about how much I'm going to miss everybody. I'm definitely excited for college, but it seems like everybody is going to school with a friend, somebody they're close with. (I know you're not, Carolyn.) And I have to start all over. Or, maybe, I get to start all over. I'm not sure, but this year I've kinda felt like I've changed so much that I've become someone I don't want to be. Or maybe just that I seem like someone I'm not. So I guess college will give me the chance to start being who I really think I am. Not that I completely know myself, and it's good to have different sides, I guess, but I recently I've felt like I'm a totally different person when I'm with certain people. I have to find the right combination of those sides of myself. And I have to figure out what I need to change about myself. I know everybody can't like everybody, but I want to be the kind of person that people say, "Miryam? Oh, I know her, she's swell". But I don't want to be so nice that I'm a pushover. I guess I'll just have to pay close attention to people's reactions to me, so I can figure out what about me makes them tic. Or maybe I should stop thinking about it and just exist and continue how I've been going on. Some changes are necessary, though. Like right now, I need to change the fact that I have snot about to run into my mouth. Three cheers for pink eye.
posted by pipsqueak @ 7:45 PM
9 Comments:
ive think ive learned that being quiet will end up getting most of the attention you need, even if it might take a while. when you stay in the background you get to see everything else that is going on, and its your decision whether or not to approach a person or group of people, not the other way around... if you become so desperate that you need tons of friends right away, you may get them, but whether or not they will stay is a different question. thats some of what i got to say, hope it helps some
Paragraphs are nice. You should be able to read an entire paragraph without having to scroll at a reasonable 1024x768 resloution(and I only pick that because it is what the majority of your visitors use).
"And I have to start all over. Or, maybe, I get to start all over"
i completely understand that b/c not only am i going to school with people i don't know that well or am very close with, but i'm also going to a school that i don't want to go to... consider yourself lucky for liking where you are going and things will progress from there... you're personable and i know you'll have no issues
get to. for me, it's get to. i'm excited, because this is what i felt four years ago when entering nerinx.-"who do i want to be in high school?" and now it's "who do i want to be in college?" and i can't wait to show that me to wellesley. maybe college me will be different than high school me, but shouldn't it? we go through these tumultous periods in life and education, shouldn't we come back changed?
i dont want to change. this summer has been the best summer of my life because ive been doing things i want to do. like mike. no im jk...or am i? but seriously miryam i think that if anything youve become more in touch with who you are so far. just seems like you are always having a good time...except when you have pink eye...but i mean you know how to party and have a good time and you dont seem as reserved as you were in past years. youve definately become like my best friend over this summer.
by the fucking way why the fuck was your fucking line fucking busy ALL fucking day yesterday? Jesh had another bonfire last night and it was amazing. but christie drove me and we had to leave before iwas able to go on a mission with this really cute guy named tristan. he was like "lets go to the cliff" iw as like "hells ya lets go" (k i didnt actually say that but you know) and then christie was like "i have to work tomorrow morning laura and i wanted to leave like thirty minutes ago but you made me stay" so i had to fucking leave at like 2. oh well i wish you could have gone.
i was always planning on going away for college, so now that i'm staying safe at truman, i feel like such a coward. my parents basically convinced me to stay because they don't want to pay and i don't want to work to pay.
what a great precedent for the rest of my life, having laziness and easiness my priorities.
you can always make changes in your life. life doesn't end at truman.
and what's better? pick a situation you'd rather be in.
a.) going to a quality college relatively close to home with several good friends. got a considerable amount of money, so don't have to bust ass working over the summer. also, saving up for grad. school or whatever comes.
or
b.) going to an expensive-ass college that your two teacher-parents with three kids in college can't really afford but pretend they can. going away from home with the closest friend about 4 hours away and not being able to come home until christmas. coming out in incredible debt and then going to just as an expensive grad. school because you can't settle.
sigh
i'm going for b, myself.
i think the way to go into a new situation is by accepting who you are, and that not everyone may like you. but if you tell yourself that (the latter part) is not important, it won't be. undoubtedly you will make some awesome friends in college, but just accept that these will be the ones who like you for who you are and don't try and be anything else.
My cousion is a very succesful headhunter for big name companies in New York who works her ass off to place clients but who is also up to her ears in debt from college and grad school lones. She makes a ton of money(as evidence by how she thinks that anything less than 300 bucks for a wedding gift regardless of the people getting married is cheap) but has basiclly told the people she borrowed from that won't their money back that they can go screw themselves and she will pay them when she is ready.
And her opinion on expensive schools, a degree is a degree, is a degree
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