Things You Need to Know About College But They Don't Teach You in a College Prep High School

yea over the last couple days i've come to the conclusion that nerinx has done me some good. especially academically. i'm not the one in class that winces when the professor says something about taking notes in class. i don't sweat over the end of the year exams. i laugh when the teacher assigns a 1-2 page paper. i'm not the one freaking out about going to see 3 plays and writing crituques cause you know what? ryan did it first. so far the mentality of "college can't be harder than nerinx cause otherwise people wouldn't go" is holding pretty true for me.

however, there are a few things that they didn't teach me at nerinx which i've needed to know. a few skills that i needed to master. some vocab words that i've needed to know. over the next couple days during my first full week of class i'm going to address some of these for the benefit of you all that aren't at college yet and those that are struggling with the concepts on your own campuses. of course now, please take into consideration that i now live in what we like to call "fo co". its not exactly high class. its not big. its not busy. its very agricultural. so things may be different for you all that live on the otherside of the world in what we here like to call "flatland" or "sea level".

the first and most important skill i've learned is to give up on names. give up on your name as well as everyone else's. no ones going to remember that your name is lauren, nicole, john, joe, nick, stephanie, mike, matt, kristen, or ben. seriously. the only people whose names i remember are a guy named fog. and a guy in my art class that said to me "my real name is james but no one calls me that. they all call me jas cause i'm cool." catch my drift?

a technique that most be mastered is that of the tightened smile. as you pass people in the hall or on the street or other parts on campus i've learned that very few people actually speak or smile. they do however tighten up every muscle around their mouth and half-smile. its more of a grimmace in response to i-kinda-want-to-know-your-name-and-seem-cool-enough-but-the-last-5-people-i've-talked-to- have-been-wack-jobs-so-i-think-i'm-going-to-pass-but-i-don't-want-to-be-the-guy-on-the-2south-west-floor-that-doesn't-smile-so-i'm-going-to-do-this-half-ass-grimmace-thing.

highways exits are called interchanges here.

the mountains point which way is west so simple directions like left and right are rendered useless. everything is north of moby gym, east of the lory student center, west of eddy hall, on the south end of college street.

no one here knows that st. louis is 950 miles away. no one truly knows how wide kansas is.

hair, even mine, dries after 10 minutes of being outside. but nose bleeds are much more common.

fish die cause their fish bowls get sucked dry by the lack of moisture in the air.

if you are from the flat lands don't go above 8,000 ft otherwise you'll die.

don't go anywhere sunny without sun glasses other wise the cosmic rays will burn your retnas out.

don't kill your motorcycle while stopped at a stop light in front of a frat house barbque.

they grow thier squirrels differently out here.

stealing drinks from the cafe is acceptable. as is getting high in the student lounge (as long as its in the honors hall). as is stealing microfridges from the delivery trucks.

if you want to mail a letter it takes 3 min of walking and 3 dollars or 30 min of walking and 30 cents.

wireless connections are just as finnicky as at nerinx.

prince albert piercings are things to brag about. as is burning your house down by lighting a pinata on fire. as is your egyptian rat screw skills. as is your height. as is your length. as is your cup size. as is your menstration length. as is your non-virginity. as is your strong catholic beliefs.

please add any if you can think of any...