i think nerinx fucked me up...

[upon a second reading i realized that there were so many angry feelings and cuss words in this post that i felt that it needed a disclaimer. consider this that disclaimer.]

it is my belief at this point in my life that nerinx has fucked me up. it is unimaginable to me that for someone (ie me) that attended a single sex institution for four whole freakin years (that's 1,461 days) it is next to impossible to establish healthy relationships (i mean friendships...no i'm still not a lesbian) with any of the girls on my residence hall floor. there is a huge variety of people and you would think that i could find one that shares some of my interests and aspirations for the future. but i suppose i have been spoiled with reasonable and coherent (or maybe incoherent and that's where i'm going wrong) relationships with so many girls back home that i have lofty expectations of girls to be rational and less melodramatic than the bastard child of a soap opera and a modern stereotypical chick flick. i suppose that is my mistake. or maybe it is just me and it has nothing to do with nerinx. or maybe i'm just absolutely insane. or maybe i'm just crazy by society's standards and i'm really the sane one. And now some quotes from some books i've had to read for 20th century fiction, just for you enjoyment.

"Sometimes I think it aint none of us pure crazy and aint none of us pure sane until the balance of us talks him that-a-way. It‚’s like it aint so much what a fellow does, but it‚’s the way the majority of folks is looking at him when he does it." (As I Lay Dying)

"What do you think you are for Christ sake, crazy or something? Well, you‚’re not! You‚’re not! You‚’re no crazier than the average asshole out walking around on the streets." (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)

"I hope she‚’ll be a fool‚—that‚’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool." (The Great Gatsby)

"So many women sit their sadness on an elbow. I wonder if she made the best with what she got or was she sorry because she couldn‚’t be all the things she wanted to be." (House on Mango Street)

"That is why I am going on my way‚—not to seek another doctrine, for I know there is none, but to leave all doctrines and all teachers and to reach my goal alone‚—or die." (Siddhartha)

"If I hadn‚’t spent so much time studying Earthlings,‚” said the Tralfamadorian, ‚“I wouldn‚’t have any idea what was meant by ‚‘free will.‚’ I‚’ve visited thirty-one inhabited planets in the universe, and I have studied reports on one hundred more. Only on Earth is there any talk of free will."(Slaughterhouse Five)

"[S]ometimes I can even see Timmy skating with Linda under the yellow floodlights. I‚’m young and happy. I‚’ll never die. I‚’m skimming across the surface of my own history, moving fast, riding the melt beneath the blades, doing loops and spins, and when I take a high leap into the dark and come down thirty years later, I realize it is as Tim trying to save Timmy‚’s life with a story." (The Things They Carried)

and some lyrics of a song i stumbled across:
"If I had my way, I'd never speak to anyone again/I gotta say, I hate people I'm so sick of them/I just can't stand the bullshit I wish I was so far away from it/I'm just stupid and I'm angry is it immature for me to say/Fuck all you Motherfuckers/Fuck all you Motherfuckers/Fuck all you Motherfuckers/FUCK YOU!/Fuck all you Motherfuckers/Fuck all you Motherfuckers/Fuck all you Motherfuckers/FUCK YOU!/I feel so lame, 'cause that's the best I can do to express myself/It's always the same, say the "F" word maybe that'll help/I'm so sick of trying to fit in, I don't even know where to begin/I got friends but they don't know tell the world to blow me' (Forces of Evil)

Sorry for the pessississississism...