So who's got the greatest roommate ever?

Right so Friday night I go out and we party and stuff. I'm drinking but don't let the alcohol hit me since I'm with a friend that doesn't drink. Anyway, so we got back to the dorms and we have a market right next door and the alcohol smacked me like a pimp slaps a bitch. I feel the need to buy food, so I buy a pack of Oscar Meyer Salami (sickenating, it tastes like shitty bologna) a jar of Nutella, cinnamon rolls, a half pound chimichanga and I think something else, but I don't remember. Anyway, I get back and a bunch of us get in a food fight with the salami and cinnamon rolls. My friend Julie has a few friends from North Carolina, one of which is a boy. He and Catherine hit it off, and before I knew it, I was locked out of my room and I could hear the bed rocking. Fabulous. I pounded on the door for 10 minutes until they opened it, grabbed my phone, keys, pillow and comforter and slept in the lounge. Fast forward to last night. Catherine decides to drink, which is fine, but she drinks a little too much. Half a bottle of vodka, 6 cups of wine, and a few beers later, she comes stumbling back into our room. She's spitting on the floor, on her clothes and everywhere. I ask if she's gonna harf, she says no, and climbs onto the top bunk (her bed). Alright so I get up to turn off the light and lock the door. I climb into bed, get situated and then I hear her characteristic burping/hiccuping noise that she makes right before she pukes. I sit up to run and grab the paper towels; too late. She projectile vomits all over the floor, on my bed, over my comforter, and makes it into an open drawer of her clothes, as well as a pile of clothes that she has on the floor. I crawl out of bed, flip the lights and basically just watch her puke all over the floor. I climb up to her bed to see if I can get her off the bunk and into the bathroom, and wham! guess who's not wearing clothes? Vag right out there in the open. Wonderful. So I pour her dead weight into pants and a shirt, and pull her off the bed, shove her into the bathroom. I start cleaning up, move my computer, a blanket, pillow and other essentials into the lounge and make myself a bed on the couch, AGAIN. Anyway, I'm in the lounge, pretty pissed and I decide to go check on her to make sure she didn't choke on her own puke. I walk in and it reeks, but I realize it's not the smell of puke. I walk closer to the beds, and I realize that she SHIT HER PANTS. Yes, my roommate shit her pants. And no little shit- it was one that had to have been brewing for days. And it smelled to high heaven. And now I need to go eat. I want to hear other people's stories about their roomies.