o o

uhm
i feel bad for checking this at least once a day, being disappointed whenever there isn't anything new, and then going to check something else without writing anything.
god, so many things are happening right now... except it's all just in my mind, so i can't even put it into words for myself much less for you all.

well, i have two essays to write for this week. and a drawing, which i already attempted. the drawing was for my figure class, aka, my draw people naked class. that's fun. we were supposed to draw a person with non-local color, meaning, color it any the fuck way you want to. luke posed for me. it turned out... eenteresting. and no he was not naked. drawing him was distracting enough as it was.

we're going to the sigur ros concert in st. louis on tuesday (!!!) which will be amazing. i LOVE live music. friday night bands were playing at the norml party at the red room (a non-frat apartment in "downtown kirksville") and for some reason i just realized how futile it is to try to capture that energy in a recording. there was one really good band in particular, happy ass. picture three young-ish professors in miniskirts screaming with guitars and a long-haired guy on drums. i don't even remember what the music sounded like. it was loud and i could see it happening. actually, that whole night was amazing. i was just separate enough from the world to really... watch myself in the world, instead of watching the world through myself.

yeah... so friday night, awesome party with a lot of people. saturday day, hang out with luke and play music and explore with a camera. saturday night, another awesome party but this time just friends at someone's house. that was cool too. well, more than cool, but i have no words. sarah was there, with torin, and nick corich and his friends from mizzou. and me and luke. (bad grammar is my friend.) then this morning we woke up early to go shovel food compost at the farm, and i slept all afternoon.



god... i think i've only reconstructed my entire world in the last couple of weeks, and the last two days particularly. all i know anymore is that i exist. it's like descartes, who started his understanding of the world from the single statement, i think, therefore i exist. except that my brain is doing this on its own.
huh. maybe descartes' was too, maybe his philosophy isn't as intentionally calculated as i assumed. maybe every once in a while, we're just born over, and are babies again. it happens when the world is too new for who you were before.

o o <---- Jacquelyn tries to open her eyes. I wonder if I'll see mother first or the doctor.

Actually, I think I already know who I saw.