Me Again

So I just posted like a minute ago. But I'm back again. I am having such a hard time adjusting to college and I knew I would. Last night was horrible.

We were playing Risk last night. So every fucking time we play Risk everyone always tells me I am retarded and that I don't know how to play. I have only lost two games (out of like 5 but still I've won more than half...right?). So this game I was playing and I was really confident cause I had some good territories and I was doing good I thought.

But the whole game all I hear is "You are retarded Hovis. That was so stupid. You are such an idiot." Why is it that all I ever fucking hear is that I'm stupid. I hate it so much. Anyway, we started with nine people playing on two boards. I came down to five people which was Kevin, Mike (Bono's roomate), Mikey Bono, me, and our SA Nathan. Well, the whole game everyone kept telling me I was stupid and I should have done something else. Well, I was doing really really really good. Bono and Nathan were fighting on one of the boards and I was turning into the major power on the other board. So, as soon as I do good people decide instead of playing for themselves they need to play and try to kill me. So everyone on my board turned against me and put all their armies up against me.

So instead of continuing to play I went on a suicide run and wiped out soooo many troops. I have like 80 armies and just ruined everyone on my board. So Kevin went from getting twenty seven armies a turn to getting five. But people were still telling me I was retarded.

Bono is sooo cute and stuck up for me like crazy. But, I just hate that so much. My whole life all anyone ever fucking says to me is that I'm stupid and I'm retarded and I'm such an idiot. I always thought I was pretty smart I mean I did manage to get through Nerinx with decent grades and get myself into college without really working...at all. I think I catch onto things quickly. But everyone always says how stupid I am and when I try and say something serious or something that makes sense or is somewhat witty everyone acts all surprised like the retard actually said something that makes sense.

After the game I came back to my room and was like balling and balling and balling. I just really want to go home where my family is more than anything and where Tom is. And I wish Miryam was with me. I hate college I hate being away from my family and boyfriend and best friend and I hate when people treat me like I'm stupid. People really do treat me like I am retarded like I can't say anything that makes any sense or if I do it's really surpising to everyone. It pisses me off so much. And everyone does it. Like I can only think of a few people who haven't treated me like that before.

I hate it. I hate college. I hate people pestering me about going home all the time. I hate people treating me like I'm stupid. I just want to go home and not come back.