Details about The Shaming (I have no idea why we call it that)

Alright, this will be long, but I think it's worth reading.

I wasn't expecting at all to do it, but around 10pm, my roommate, Emily, came back to our room from Caleb and Denis' room and said we could probably pull it off cause they were drinking. So Emily and I hung out and watched them (Caleb, Denis, Gary, and this guy Brendan who has nothing to do with The Shaming) play beer pong for a while, deciding that if they didn't go to bed by 2am, we would do it another time, cause we both had to get up early this morning.

At about 1am, they called it quits on the beer pong and started playing Halo. After one round, Denis said he hated Halo, and suggested they go on a drunk walk. I cleverly persuaded them not to do so by saying that security had been walking around all night. So then Caleb said, "Let's watch an episode of 'Lost'." Denis vetoed that, so they started getting red for bed. I left, and Emily stayed, pretending that she was just going to sleep with Caleb, and she told me she would come get me and Mallory when they were asleep. At 1:22am, Emily came back and told us that they had, in fact, started watching "Lost". Since an episode sans commercials is about 40 minutes, I said if they fell asleep within 15 minutes of the episode being over, we would still do it.

Around 2:15, Emily still wasn't back, so Mallory and I went to listen at their door. We heard nothing, so I started opening the door. That door is such a noisy, squeaky, stuck bitch. Growl. I heard someone coming to the door from inside, so Mallory and I sprinted back to my room. Emily came in a minute later; turns out it was her stirring inside. She said Gary was snoring, Denis was out, but Caleb was still kind of awake. So she went back to the room to persuade Caleb to come sleep with her in her bed. At first, he refused, but she started crying, saying she would explain in the morning, and would he please come sleep with her. So he stumbled into our room and got into Emily's bed and went to sleep. Mallory, Emily, and I then went back to the boys' room with two rolls of duct tape and scissors. We were ripping strips of tape in the hall, since it was so loud, and their RA opened the door. We were like, "Fuck". Luckily, he thought it was hilarious, so he let us carry on. I decided I wanted my camera, so I started to run back to my room and as I turned the corner, I saw Caleb coming at me with a huge grin on his face. I tried to yell-whisper to Mallory that he was coming, but he saw, and was like "What are you guys doing?" Emily told him, and he actually decided to help us!

We went into the room, leaving the door propped a bit for light. Gary was on the top bunk, Dennis on the bottom. I climbed over the desk at the foot of the bed so I could get between the wall and the bed to pass the tape back and forth. I accidentally kicked Denis' printer, and Gary sort of woke up and said "What's goin' on guys?" We all became absolutely still and silent, and he went back to sleep. We started taping Denis first, beginning with his legs and working our way up. As I was pulling the tape under the bed, it made a particularly loud noise, and Denis turned over and said, "Take it easy guys!" I was like "Fuck" and I crouched down and hid my head in my hands (like when the guys hide in Life of Brian, anyone? anyone?) and tried to suppress my laughter. Luckily, he was also so drunk that he just fell right back asleep.

While we were still working on Denis, Caleb started working on Gary. After only one strip of tape, however, he started moving around, so we decided he would wake too easily. We also thought we might not have enough tape for the both of them. Once we finished Denis, I took a spoonful of peanut butter and put it on his face. We tried to tape a beer to the wall, but we couldn't get it to stay. (We wanted to leave a note that said "We left you some snacks in case you can't get out and you get hungry".) We set the alarm for 3:27 and sat on the futon to watch as he struggled to get out when the alarm went off. 3:27 came, the country music came on, and........nothing. From either of them. Not a stir. So Emily went back to her room to get her really fuckin obnoxious alarm clock. 3:35, her alarm goes off, right next to Denis' head. No. Movement. So I got under the bed and started pushing up on it. Still nothing! Emily kicked him. Zilch. By this time, we were all laughing hysterically and snapping all sorts of pictures (with bright flashes, of course). I don't remember exactly what woke Gary up, but he leaned over the bed and saw Denis and started yelling and cursing. While we laughed, and took pictures of him. Denis finally stirred, but he simply moved some of the tape away from his head and fell back asleep. Since Gary was still yelling, we decided to leave. We switched the light on as we left, and banged on the door one last time. Gary yelled something horrid, although I couldn't really hear it. Then Emily attempted to fall asleep in her bed with Caleb trying to make out with her while I posted the pictures.

Today at lunch, I asked Denis what he thought when he woke up and he said he honestly didnt' remember. That was quite disappointing. He and Gary said that we had taken it to the next level, as if duct taping someone to their bed was worse than pooping in someone's room. So now he has threatened to poop straight on our carpet, and in Emily's shoes, which she left in their room. But. Emily is a genius, and she managed to steal Caleb's keys.

So I'm pretty much freaked out that I will step in doo some morning. I told him, however, that my mentrual blood would be grosser to him than his poo is to me, even if he poos twice a day and I only have my period once a month. I don't really know what to expect, since after the first poo Denis said that he was really sorry and he realized it was pretty disgusting. But I will most definitely keep you guys updated!